


Hard Feelings (Under Review)

by allnonchalant (orphan_account)



Category: EXO (Band), NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Language, Mutual Pining, Pining, Romance, Slice of Life, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2018-11-18 08:35:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11287605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/allnonchalant
Summary: The scene unfolding across the street reminded him of someone who leaves a bittersweet taste in his mouth, the urge to swallow has the Chinese boy clenching teeth. Despite having graduated five years prior, the tall male notes that he in a way saw himself in her. The past was not a place he wished to visit, he thinks, ignoring the small voice inside his head that says otherwise.The thoughts are brushed aside and when he looked back up, the girl is alone with a prominent frown. She looked down in an obvious attempt to disguise the sad shape her lips have taken. In contrast to what she is feeling, the boy is evidently fine as he walked down the crowded street with his friend's arm wrapped around his shoulder. At this point, he stopped paying attention, in favor of standing up to board the bus.Sicheng took a seat towards the back and plugged his earphones in order to listen to music, finally allowing himself to relax. This is good, he thinks to himself, for it allows proper time to think, to reminisce about a past that was not always kind to him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing a fanfic and I'm excited to continue writing. As seen in the tags, this will start off slow, but speed up as more characters are introduced and the story is developed more. I'm sure I made mistakes feel free to correct me. Constructive criticism is encouraged and appreciated.
> 
> Sicheng has black hair in the flashback, in case there is confusion over that since I use it when I refer to him. Also, since he has moved to Ulsan, no one calls him Winwin. It will be revealed in future chapters. I'm leaning towards the idea of including smut, but that will also be further along the story.
> 
> Also, it seems I accidentally posted the unfinished chapter earlier...
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this!!~

Sicheng found himself taking a different route than he would normally. The street was not completely unfamiliar, but he didn't know it like the back of his hand. As he walked, the blonde haired boy looked at the trees, taking note of how they appeared scraggly with branches sticking out that no longer held rich dark leaves, but were now barely holding on to an array of shriveled up leaves ranging from reds, browns, and oranges.

A sigh escaped his lips, taking enjoyment in the autumn breeze as he pulled out his phone to check the time. The small screen read 4:20 p.m. That left him with just an hour before his shift began. His face scrunched up in contemplation. He still had quite the trek ahead and uncertainty hit him, not positive if he would make it in time. If the Chinese male arrived late, there would be no real repercussion. His boss Johnny liked him far too much to scold him or deduct payment, but Sicheng found that it didn’t matter. Arriving late to work for the third time this week did not sit well with him. Even if Johnny did not chastise him verbally, the tired sigh and disappointed gaze that would be received spoke volumes.

Long thin legs came to a halt, allowing the lean boy to get his bearings and find a bus stop. A few seconds passed and he once again walked with purpose. From a distance, he could see that an elderly couple was seated on the bench. His small doe eyes quickly scanned the schedule. Pulling his phone out of his pocket for the second time, Sicheng noted that the bus would arrive in ten minutes. When he turned to sit on the bench two sets of eyes with curled lips in the form of small smiles looked at him in acknowledgment. He returned the gesture and was grateful that was all they did. Small talk was never a strength of his. His frame fell backward in relaxation.

Any thoughts that were beginning to form were interrupted by the sound of a bell resonating from a public school, indicating that classes for the day were now over. Students came pouring out of the doors. One teen, in particular, caught his eye. The young girl stumbled out of the exit, almost tripping in midst of the chaos. She was tall for a girl, with long awkward limbs that made her appear as if she was uncomfortable, but she was pretty. Her eyes were big and curious, almost appearing too large for her small narrow face. Her light brown curls bounced with every step she took.

Instead of hurrying home like her other classmates, the girl waited near the gate. Dark brown eyes lit up and he followed her gaze to see a young raven haired boy chatting with friends. It appeared that he had yet to notice her, but the brunettes bright expression did not fall. She yelled what seemed to be his name, but Sicheng didn't quite catch it.

The scene unfolding across the street reminded him of someone who left a bittersweet taste in his mouth, the urge to swallow had the Chinese boy clenching teeth. Despite having graduated five years prior, the tall male noted that he in a way saw himself in her. The past was not a place he wished to visit, he thought, ignoring the small voice inside his head that said otherwise.

The thoughts were brushed aside and when he looked back up, the girl was alone with a prominent frown. She looked down in an obvious attempt to disguise the sad shape her lips had taken. In contrast to what she is feeling, the boy was evidently fine as he walked down the crowded street with his friend's arm wrapped around his shoulder. At this point, he stopped paying attention, in favor of standing up to board the bus.

Sicheng took a seat towards the back and plugged his earphones in order to listen to music, finally allowing himself to relax. This is good, he thinks to himself, for it allows proper time to think, to reminisce about a past that was not always kind to him.

 

* * *

 

The bus ride passed by in a blur, and the blonde haired male got off at the stop closest to his work. As he neared his job, the cliche neon sign came into view, almost glowing with the sun rapidly setting due to daylight savings. A soft push was all that was required for the doors to open and Sicheng greeted the bouncer on his way in, but not before questioning where Johnny was.

“Look who’s finally arrived. Not going to lie Sicheng, I almost anticipated you coming late, or not even showing up at all.”

A small chuckle left his plush lips and he scratched his head, a habit he had picked up since he can remember. “I was almost tempted to skip work today, but I don’t think Yukhei would appreciate working the bar on his own again.”

He was a bartender, surprising everyone who knew him when news got out that Johnny had offered him the position and he accepted. The proposition did not occur randomly.

 

* * *

 

It was a few months after the Chinese male had returned from China to live in Ulsan. The change wasn’t bad, adjusting was comparably much easier than when he left China to pursue dancing at the School of Performing Arts.

The first time he met Johnny was when Taeil brought him to their shared apartment to watch musicals with the intent of proving of good they were. Only for it to end in a friendly heated discussion. The tall brunette just couldn’t see the appeal, which in turn, his shorter roommate called him an uncultured swine. The whole situation was amusing to Sicheng as he ate leftover bibimbap.

After that, his visits were more frequent and the three grew closer along with the addition of another member, Jaehyun. He found that he bonded with Jaehyun faster than he did with Johnny.

It was during one of their get-togethers that his ability to mix drinks was learned by the other two, excluding his roommate. Taeil, who wasn’t much of a drinker, to begin with, came home with Johnny who held a few bags in his hand.

“I say, in honor of Taeil’s new role, we drink. It’s just for tonight, and I brought good alcohol. You don’t want it to go to waste, it was pricey.”

Jaehyun who was already seated on the couch had a bemused look on his face. “Are you sure you just didn’t take it from the bar? I know you own the place, but you know how Kyungsoo gets when you just take the bottles. Thought you would have learned from last time he scolded you.”

“Hey! I’m just borrowing. We won’t drink it all, I’ll return it before Kyungsoo even notices. If he does, I’ll just convince Sehun to cover for me.” Kyungsoo and Sehun began dating a year ago. According to Johnny, the whole ordeal was painful.

His roommate let out a scoff as he walked towards the kitchen to prepare their choice of food for the night. “At least you have the ability to have some shame. And close your mouth, you look like a fish.” There was a short pause before Taeil had the rest of them come into the kitchen as well.

Sicheng could almost feel his mouth water at the sight of the food. There was bulgogi with rice and kimchi. A pink tint appeared on his face at the sound of Jaehyun laughing at him. He wrapped his hand around his shoulder. “Don’t get too excited. Just wait till the dessert I ordered arrives, then you’ll actually drool.”

A groan was heard behind the two. Johnny had a sour look on his face. “It seems that I grabbed the wrong bottle. I meant to grab sansachun, but I must have been confused…”

“How did you confuse sansachun for whiskey? Taeil’s flight is tomorrow, I doubt he wants to board the plane with a hangover.” The shorter Korean male nodded his head in agreement. “I don’t think my manager would appreciate it either. We’ll just drink something else.”

“What! No! I’m sure we can make it work. I can make a cocktail. I’ve watched Kyungsoo do it before. How hard can it be? I’ll just look up a recipe.” Johnny scrolled through his phone and evidently found a recipe that would work. “I’ll make us some whiskey sour cocktails. Seems easy enough.”

The three of them watched in pity as the tall brunette attempted to make the drink. “Johnny, you’re not making it correctly. The proportions are wrong. It’s going to come out more sour than sweet. Here let me help you.”

Sicheng grabbed the mixer and rinsed it after pouring out what was already in it. He poured the whiskey and added the ingredients, being careful with the amount of each ingredient he added.

The raven haired male poured the cocktail into glasses and smiled at the finished drinks. “There, two proper whiskey sour cocktails on the rocks.” He handed a glass to each male and nodded his head as if to give them the okay to taste the beverage.

Taeil happily took a sip, compared to the other two who had skepticism written on their faces. Their faces quickly turned to surprise when the liquid hit their taste buds.

“Wow...this is actually really good! I wasn’t sure what to expect. You can barely cook and you manage to somehow burn ramen, but this drink tastes amazing.” Jaehyun nodded in agreement as he drank more of the beverage. “Where did you learn to mix drinks?”

Sicheng chose to ignore the jab at his cooking in favor of answering the question. "My grandpa used to frequent bars a lot when I was growing up. His way of coping with my grandma's death. I got along with him, but I was definitely closer to my grandma. After her death, we grew closer because of his vice. Alcohol and mourning don't mix very well. It became a problem. He would go to work, clock off and go to a bar. He grew close to one of the bartenders and that's how he learned to mix drinks. In turn, he taught me."

“Taught you? Why?”

He tilted his head, pausing for a few seconds to think of a response to Jaehyun’s questions. “As a way to bond, I guess. I don't know...Some grandpa's bond with you over fishing, some through their love for sports, mine just happened to involve learning how to mix drinks.”

“How old were you? You had to have been young - and what about your parents? I doubt they were happy with it...” His same-aged friend scratched his head, trying to understand.

Sicheng let out a sigh. “I wasn't legal, I can tell you that much. Of course, my parents were upset, but they didn't know what to do. When they tried to put an end to it, I threw a fit and accused them of trying to take my grandpa away from me just like how my grandma was taken. I was young and I didn't understand the severity of the situation at the time, but it doesn't matter anymore.”

Six pairs of eyes looked at him with compassion, but he raised his hand, effectively ending the conversation.“How about a toast in honor of Taeil finally landing a big role?” Their glasses raised in honor of their friend and they enjoyed the rest of the night. Taeil, unfortunately, woke with a hangover and an angry manager.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, I'm still glad you agreed to work for me. After what happened to your grandpa and all that. I'm sure he's proud of you in some strange way.”

“It's fine, Johnny. I told you, it's in the past." Sicheng walked towards the back where the employee's room was located. He put the apron along with his name tag. There was another apron still hanging. “Has Yukhei not arrived?’

“He actually called letting me know he would come late. I think he’s helping his brother with a project. I would compare the both of you, but he has a valid reason and he actually calls letting me know.”

The blonde haired boy gaped, Taeil would have scolded him for making that face if he was here, sighing as he would tell Sicheng that he should quit bartending for Johnny because he was picking up his habits.

“Ha, you don’t even have a response, but I’m kidding Sicheng. I know you’ve had a lot on your mind lately. I’m just glad you’re not pulling away.” The tall brunette turned to leave. “I’ll leave you to get started, I don’t think there’ll be too much action today. I trust you to hold it down before Yukhei gets here.”

He held back the protest that was on the tip of his tongue. A slow day was never really a slow day. The restaurant was always buzzing with people from all over. It couldn’t be helped when it was a popular establishment.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back then, Sicheng would have been elated to discuss dancing, to show off his talent, but times have changed. It was part of the past, and he was living in the present.
> 
> “Ehh, I dabbled here and there. It was nothing serious, just a hobby…,” he muttered, unsure if Yukhei heard him, looking up in time to see the bartender pouring their drinks. 
> 
> His Chinese friend took a sip of his drink. “Taeil didn’t seem to think that, at least not when I talked to him.”

It was as Sicheng thought, today was most definitely not a slow day. If anything, he felt as though he was putting more work in than ever. He cursed Yukhei in the back of his head.

Yelling rang through the restaurant and he quickly turned to see what the commotion was. Kyungsoo looked mad, his lips were pursed as he heatedly stared down a customer.

Many of the surrounding customers looked at the scene in amusement and pity for the male. Kyungsoo was the head chef for a reason, he really knew how to prepare a meal and he took pride in it.

It wouldn’t be the first time someone was dissatisfied with their food, but the chef hated when they would outright insult his food without giving proper constructive criticism.

“I came here with high hopes after hearing so many positive things about this establishment, but I can’t fathom why it is so highly liked. This kimchi spaghetti is bland and the noodles are soggy. Als-”

“Bland! Soggy!-” The brunette took a deep breath, trying to calm himself before he ended up insulting the customer, evidently failing. “Listen here you pretentious asshole! How dare you come in here, looking like-”

Before Kyungsoo could continue to tell the man off, Johnny butted in. “Ah, Kyungsoo, Kyungsoo! There’s no need to fight. You can’t please everyone, right? Besides, it is said that the customer is always right.” He let out a nervous laugh in hopes to ease the tension. “Kyungsoo apolo-”

“No! I’ve no apologies to give to this man.”

As entertaining as Sicheng found the situation to be, it was bad for business. He rushed over and grabbed the short-tempered chef by the arm, insisting that he needed to talk to him, knowing that the only way Johnny could fix things was with Soo away from the rude customer.

Once in the confinement of the employee’s room, he let go of his friend. “I’ll admit, that man was rude, but I’m not sure lashing out was the best decision. Especially with the event that’s around the corner.”

The shorter male paced around the room, obviously stressed as he ran his hand through his hair, letting out a sigh of discontentment. “I know. I’ve...I’ve been really stressed. They’re going to critique our restaurant and I still don’t know what I’m going to prepare.”

“Johnny is stressed too, isn’t he? I don’t think any of us really have it figured out. I know yesterday he was worried about what entertainment we’ll have that day.”

“Yeah...I think I’ll just avoid the dining area. I don’t think I want to create another commotion. An apology should come first though. To Johnny, not that asshole customer.”

The door opened and in came Johnny, with Yukhei following seconds after. The youngest of the four paused, looked at them with an eyebrow raised. “...By the looks on your faces, I missed something? Was it Kyungsoo?”

The brunette rolled his eyes and resisted the urge to scowl. “The both of you should tend to the bar, no one is manning it right.”

Sicheng muttered a quick shit as he rushed towards his station.

The rest of the night carried on to be uneventful. Both Yukhei and Sicheng were cleaning the bar, happy that they didn’t have to serve any more customers.

“I was thinking of closing the restaurant for the next two days. Jaehyun told me he may have a solution for entertainment. I don’t know if any of you have heard of NCT, but they’re a dance group that has recently gained a lot of popularity. He met them in Seoul when he was doing promotions and he thinks he’ll be able to convince them to perform.”

“Is Jaehyun sure he can pull it off? NCT are really in demand right now. Just getting a ticket for one of their shows is difficult.”

Johnny took a seat on one of the stools and rubbed his temples. “I don’t know. I’m trying to be optimistic. He told me to prepare some of the remixes I’ve made. Maybe my production skills will impress them.”

 

* * *

 

Sicheng woke with the sound of knocking resonating through his apartment, noticing that he didn’t even make it to his bedroom as he was sprawled on the couch. The Chinese male was tempted to ignore whoever was at the door in favor of getting more sleep, but the knocking grew louder. A groan escaped his lips and he glared at the door as if the person on the other side would be able to feel his irritation at being woken.

He opened the door to reveal an impatient Jaehyun who was accompanied by Yukhei. "I was about to complain, but it seems sleeping beauty isn't even fully awake yet."

The nickname sleeping beauty was coined by Jaehyun, claiming that it described Sicheng perfectly. He was pretty and slept a lot, and while he wasn't particularly fond of the name, it was better than what Kun referred to him as, a pabo, a fool. The usage of the name increased a few weeks ago when he decided to change his hair color to a soft blonde. The process was tedious, but it was worth it, his friends agreed.

Yukhei seated himself on the couch and took a look around. "You know, regardless of how many times Taeil has to travel to a different place for his job, I'm still surprised your apartment remains in tack."

Jaehyun joined him on the couch and made himself comfortable by placing his legs on the coffee table. "You wouldn't have said that if you had been around the first few times Taeil left Sicheng alone. I practically lived here whenever he was gone for an extended period."

The lips of the Chinese male protruded forward forming a childish pout, resembling that of a child who had been scolded. "I would have managed just fine. I'm doing so right now."

"Really? Do I have to bring up the fire you caused when you attempted to cook? I'm sure I can find the report made by one of the firefighters."

The younger of the three stopped slouching and shot forward, eyebrows raised, as if he just had an epiphany. "Wait...wait? That actually happened? I didn't think Johnny was telling the truth? I see why Kyungsoo is so adamant about not letting you in the kitchen."

"You should have seen the look on Taeil's face when he arrived expecting the apartment to be the same as he had left it, only to come back to an almost burnt down kitchen." Jaehyun sighed and looked at a random corner, reliving the memory.

"You're being dramatic. The kitchen was not almost burnt down, the fire was small and I had good intentions! I just wanted to cook Taeil something for a change! He wasn't even that mad." Sicheng paused, trying to calm himself before getting too worked up, knowing there was no actual malice. "If the both of you are just here to question my adulthood, could you do it later or some other day because I'd rather be sleeping right now."

His two guests doubled over in laughter, finding amusement in Sicheng's distressed state, the way his voice would go up an octave or two. "Oh no, Taeil was actually mad, you didn't get in trouble because he likes you too much. If it had either been me or Johnny, we wouldn't be here right now. I swear he's too biased."

"He adores you, but you're right, we didn't come here to tease you. We thought we'd come check on you, well, Jaehyun did. I just came for the entertainment."

Jaehyun stood from where he sat and walked towards where the kitchen was located. "You should take a shower, I'll cook something in the meantime."

There were no complaints from either of the two Chinese males.

The blonde haired male showered and changed quickly, in favor of eating. It had been a while since he had a proper meal, preferring to eat food that required little to no preparation, such as ramen or frozen food. Some days he'd eat out or have food delivered. A habit his roommate would surely scold him for when he came back.

The three of them sat at the table, enjoying a simple breakfast. "We should go grocery shopping, your refrigerator is empty and your cabinets aren't doing any better."

"I meant to go sometime this week, I've just been busy." Busy for Sicheng meant; _I've done nothing productive, but sleep and watch dramas_ , but it was different this time. He just couldn't let his friends know yet.

Jaehyun's eyebrow raised in question, easily picking up on the change in his friend's tone and noting that he didn't want to speak on it anymore.

It seemed Yukhei noticed as well, or he chose to not comment on it.

After a quick breakfast, the three went grocery shopping, filling the cart as they went.

Sicheng let out a sigh, content that the kitchen was stocked. He lay sprawled on the couch, torn between sleeping some more or packing for their trip to Seoul tomorrow. Eventually deciding he should pack, Jaehyun’s insistent reminder to not forget fresh on his mind.

"Okay...I have everything," the Chinese boy murmured to himself, mentally marking a checklist. Johnny would soon be outside to pick him up.

His phone lit up with the name of his taller friend, signaling his arrival.

He held his bag and paused at the door, going over the list again, knowing Johnny wouldn't turn around if he forgot something. Once positive he wasn't missing anything, he locked the door and left.

He stood at the trunk, eyebrow raised in question when he saw several bags of the same design. _Who needs that much luggage for one day?_ The Chinese boy placed his bag alongside the others, now wondering if he should have packed more.

His question was forgotten when he entered the car, noticing only Johnny and Yukhei were present. “I thought Jaehyun was coming too?”

“I called him earlier and he said he would be a while, but that was half an hour ago. He should be ready by now.”

Sicheng joined Yukhei in the back.

Within twenty minutes they arrived at Jaehyun’s place, their friend waiting outside, texting someone.

“What took you so long? Normally you’re ready before the rest of us,” Yukhei questioned as leaned back in his seat and adjusted his neck pillow.

“I was actually trying to convince Kyungsoo to let me ride with him and Sehun. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out.”

Johnny was slackjawed, clearly offended. “Hey! Why wouldn’t you want to ride with me? You’d rather be with them. They’re disgusting when they’re together. I can’t be worst than that.”

Sicheng laughed, watching as Yukhei and Jaehyun shared a look that said, _are you seriously asking that?_

 

“Whenever we go on a trip and you drive, you always tell us stories from when you lived in Chicago-and _they’re fascinating_ , don’t get me wrong, but you always repeat them _over and over again._ You’re like an old man reliving his memories.” Jaehyun’s nose crinkled, recalling their past trips where Johnny wouldn’t shut up about Chicago. Their friend obviously missed his home but deflected their suggestions to visit.

A frown overtook Johnny’s face, replacing his earlier expression. He was brooding, not acknowledging what Jaehyun said. “Well, you all should relax. We have about a five-hour drive.”

The three passengers looked at each other, not expecting the turn of events, unsure if they should say something. Jaehyun shook his head, indicating they should let it go. He was closest to Johnny, having known him for a longer period. Whenever their friend would get in a shitty mood, he'd insist they leave him alone. If he wanted to talk, he'd talk, otherwise, let him handle things on his own. That's how Johnny was. He liked when people opened up to him, but it was rare for him to mention anything regarding his past.

The car ride was anticlimactic. Sicheng slept through most of it, but Johnny seemed to be in a better mood, evident as he chatted animatedly with the lady at the front desk.

Johnny booked everyone their own individual room, except for Kyungsoo and Sehun who were sharing a room.

Long limbs were spread on the mattress, leaving no room for anyone else. He looked at the ceiling and wondered what tomorrow would bring. Sicheng closed his eyes and dreamt of when he called Seoul his home.

 

* * *

 

There was a frown on Sicheng’s face, perturbed that he had to change because someone hadn't looked where they were going, spilling their drink on him. More so mad at the insincere apology.

_What a way to start the day. Can’t get worse from here, right?_

They were meeting NCT at six, in the meantime, they could explore Seoul and do whatever they wanted.

“Wow, today just isn't your day. First, someone spills coffee on you, then we lose you in one of the shops, and now I’m here with you in a bathroom holding your hand like a good friend as you vomit because they got your order wrong.” Yukhei leaned against the wall, staring at Sicheng in pity and disgust at the sound of regurgitated food hitting the water.

The blonde haired boy placed his hands on the floor beside the toilet, the urge to throw up dissipating. "I-I think I'm done..."

His friend bent forward, a mistake he soon regretted. "Even if you could keep going, I don't think you have anything left to inside you."

The two walked out, feeling bad for the next person who had the misfortune of using the bathroom.

Jaehyun loosely placed his hand on Sicheng's shoulder, keeping some distance, not wanting the stench of vomit that surrounded his friend too close to him. "Are you okay now? We can head back if you want."

"Even if you feel better, I suggest we head back. I don't think you'll enjoy walking around Seoul smelling like throw up. Neither would anyone else really." Johnny stood next to Jaehyun, while Yukhei took position on his left.

As the four walked out, the workers apologized profusely, feeling bad that they screwed up the order.

Sicheng returned to the hotel on his own, but not without the others protesting. Just because he wasn't enjoying the day, didn't mean the others couldn't.

He arrived at his room and took a quick shower, washing off the smell and feeling of disgust. Afterward, he went straight to bed, sleeping off the beginnings of a migraine.

 

* * *

 

Sicheng looked at himself in the mirror, his thoughts filled with uncertainty. He wore a loose button-up tucked into a pair of slacks that tapered towards his calves and ankles with black simple loafers to finish off the look.

His outfit wasn’t the reason for his doubt, on the contrary, he thought he looked fine.

When he woke from his slumber, he had the feeling that tonight was not going to go in his favor. The Chinese boy dismissed it, thinking it’d go away once he finished getting ready, but now the feeling felt stronger.

“Ah, Sicheng? Are you sure you’re feeling better? You look a bit pale.” Jaehyun had a look of concern, staring at him as if they were back at the restaurant.

“I’m feeling better. Don’t worry, I won’t vomit this time,” Sicheng said, attempting to make a joke out of what happened earlier, evidently failing when he looked at Yukhei who now looked worried as well.

“I hope you don’t. I don’t think that’ll leave NCT with a positive impression. You’re probably just nervous to meet them.” His lips curled up, appreciating Johnny’s effort in lightening up the atmosphere.

“Uh huh...That’s exactly what it is.” Sicheng walked ahead of the others, yelling at the three boys behind him, urging them to hurry up.

They reached their destination, Octagon Club, a highly raved about location for those who enjoyed partying, dancing, and alcohol.

Kyungsoo and Sehun were waiting by the entrance. The taller of the two spotted them first, unsurprisingly for someone who was six feet tall.

“About time you guys arrive. Soo was starting to get annoyed,” Sehun said, staring at his boyfriend fondly, wrapping an arm around his small shoulders.

“While I’m happy for the both of you, I’m disgusted and hope you’re not like this the rest of the night.” Johnny looked at them, his tone mocking the lovers, but his gaze spoke of fondness.

Kyungsoo made a face, rolling his eyes as he turned to enter the club, motioning for the rest to follow.

As soon as they were inside, Johnny and Jaehyun split off to find the members of NCT, leaving Sicheng and Yukhei. Kyungsoo and Sehun remained as well, but they were off in their own world, Sehun already clinging to Soo.

The two Chinese boys faced each other, a silent agreement that they’d stick together.

“I’m surprised you didn’t join Johnny and Jaehyun. You’re a big fan of NCT. They were all you talked about yesterday when we went grocery shopping.” Sicheng let Yukhei lead him to the bar.

The two took a seat at the bar and Yukhei ordered baekseju for himself, while Sicheng chose dongdongju. “I was thinking about it, but I don't think anyone wants to be around Kyungsoo and Sehun when they’re drinking.”

Normally when the two were sober, the PDA they shared was mild, but it would change when one of them was drunk. Even worse when it was both of them. They took being a touchy drunk to the extreme.

The brunette placed his elbows on the counter and leaned forward, making himself comfortable. “They’re _amazing dancers._ I’m surprised you haven’t heard of them. You used to dance, didn’t you?”

Back then, Sicheng would have been elated to discuss dancing, to show off his talent, but times have since changed. It was part of the past, and he was living in the present.

“Ehh, I dabbled here and there. It was nothing serious, just a hobby…,” he muttered, unsure if Yukhei heard him, looking up in time to see the bartender pouring their drinks.

His Chinese friend took a sip of his drink. “Taeil didn’t seem to think that, at least not when I talked to him.”

“Wh-when did he tell you about my dancing?” Sicheng felt slightly hurt that Taeil would talk to Yukhei about his past, especially the dancing aspect.

“It was brought up yesterday after Jaehyun dropped me off. I called him and told him we were going to meet NCT. He was surprised, shocked even. Still, doesn’t change how highly he spoke of you as a dancer.”

The blonde haired boy opened his mouth several times, unsure of how to respond. “I-I was overrated.It’s like you guys say, Taeil ado-”

“Taeil does adore you, but he doesn’t compliment people often, including you, at least not with such admiration. He told me you won countless medals and awards for your dancing, that you were scouted and would have become a dancer, but you rejected the offer. If you really were overrated, would you have been offered a contract?,” Yukhei paused, turning to look at Sicheng before continuing. “I don’t know what happened while you lived here because you’ve never discussed it with me, or anyone other than Taeil, but it’s unfortunate it ruined your passion for dancing. I’ll just leave it there, it’s obvious you don’t want to discuss it, and I’ll respect your decision.”

Sicheng swallowed, his mood ruined, but somewhat salvaged, glad his friend wasn’t going to push for more information. It was one of the reasons he liked Yukhei.

When Sicheng first met him, he didn’t think they would get along. His first impression was that he was a little shit. The brunette would constantly tease him, annoying him to no end.

Though, if you asked Taeil, he would say it was because Yukhei reminded him of someone from his past.

So it was a surprise to everyone when they became close, thinking they bonded over dramas and Kim Soo-Hyun, which was not a lie, but it was not entirely the reason behind their fast-growing friendship.

Sicheng and Taeil didn’t argue often, conflict was something that was rarely seen in their household. When it did happen, it didn’t last long.

It was during a fight they had, Taeil was angry and stressed about a new role, and the Chinese boy wasn’t helping. He tried assuring his roommate that he would get the role, they’d be crazy to not cast him. If they didn’t, it wouldn’t matter because he could do better. This did nothing but frustrate the shorter male more, telling him he didn’t understand the importance, why he needed to get the job.

Insults and words they didn’t mean were said. Taeil going as far as saying that Sicheng would never understand because he was handed everything on a silver platter, telling him the old cliche that he could just live off daddy’s credit card and money. In retaliation, he told his roommate the only way he got roles was by whoring himself off. Taking advantage of a previous situation where a director cast Tail for reasons other than his capabilities as an actor. Sicheng instantly regretted what he said, the need to apologize was strong, but his pride was stronger.

Yukhei had come by with the intention to look for Taeil, instead, he found Sicheng sitting on the sidewalk with his head burrowed into his knees, hiding fat tears that ran down his pretty face.

He comforted him and insisted things would turn out okay, the short male just needed time to think and reflect. Offering to buy him as much ice cream as he wanted.

During their unplanned hangout, they decided to make it up to Taeil by cooking him his favorite food, Yukhei unaware of how Sicheng’s first attempt ended in flames months ago.

Taeil accepted the apology quickly, not wanting to remain in a fight with his favorite person.

While those moments with Yukhei were rare, he cherished them, not wanting them to disappear so quickly.

Any seriousness that was on Yukhei’s face disappeared and was replaced with a cheeky, playful expression. “Phew, that’s enough of being the responsible and caring friend. Let’s get drunk and possibly laid.”

There’s the Yukhei everyone knew and loved.

 

* * *

 

As the night progressed, Yukhei drank more, while Sicheng’s beverage remained untouched.

His mind kept drifting elsewhere. He felt bad that he wasn’t entirely paying attention to what his friend was saying, but Yukhei didn’t seem to mind, already buzzed.

Three boys, who looked around his age, stood near the wall, chatting happily amongst themselves.

They looked close. Envy crawled up Sicheng’s throat, reminded of high school. He excused himself, needing to go to the restroom, despite not having much to drink.

Instead of heading where the restroom was located, his long legs lead him towards the boys, close enough to hear what they were saying.

“I can’t believe the both of you are leaving tomorrow. I wish we had more time together. Why did college have to take you guys far away.” The raven-haired boy was obviously younger than the others, maybe by a year or two.

“Ah, Gyeong don’t worry. You graduate next year and you’ll join us.”

_I’m being weird, listening to a conversation I’m not part of. They’d surely tea-_

Sicheng swallowed a lump that formed in his throat, attempting to push the thought away. He leaned against the wall, similar to the youngest who looked happy and carefree.

The smell of clean-cut grass invaded his senses, transported back to Yeouido Hangang Park.

“Ah! Wingwing! You’ve been quiet lately. Are you still sad that this is our last year together? Grandpa won’t be happy that you’re sad, especially after we just taught you our new dance routine.” The wide-eyed brunette turned on his side, observing Sicheng in interest.

Winwin sighed, nodding his head. They were lying on the grass, staring at the clouds. His two older friends had just finished teaching him a new dance, adamant that he would learn it so they’d scout him. Then they would never be separated.

Before their conversation could get further, another boy joined them, bringing with him ice cream.

The sight of the white-haired boy had his heart rate speeding up. He hated it, hated how just looking at him brought butterflies to his stomach, the way he’d smile like an idiot just at the thought of him, how he’d stop everything he was doing when his name popped up on his phone. How he wished he could stop it, make the feelings go away at the snap of his fingers.

“You’re staring again, Winwin.” The boy’s tone was teasing, knowing how easily flustered Winwin was in his presence.

The wide-eyed boy on the other side of Winwin fake scoffed. “Of course he’s staring. It’s hard not to do when you’re next to someone so handsome.”

The white-haired boy looked at the brunette, pink tint on his cheeks darkening at the others wink.

Winwin suddenly felt small and invisible, he shouldn’t be upset, shouldn’t be jealous of the obvious affection that extended beyond platonic interest. It’s not as if he stood a chance. The two had been fooling around for a while now, unaware he knew.

“Yah! You two are disgusting! Just get a room already, sheesh! I’m here upset that this is our last year together, and the both of you are shooting hearts at each other.” He sat up, gagging, playing his role as a good friend.

Both boys now had red cheeks, embarrassed by what their friend had said. “Winwin, don’t worry. We won’t forget you and we’ll come visit whenever we can.”

“Gramps is right. Besides, we have a whole year to make memories that you can look back on whenever you miss us.” The brunette shot forward, wrapping his arms around him in a comforting manner.

“To unforgettable memories!” The white-haired boy put his hand out.

Winwin placed his hand on top of his. “To staying friends forever!”

The brunette followed. “To unbreakable friendship!”

“And last but not least to the aigoo team!”

_“TO THE AIGOO TEAM!” The three boys screamed simultaneously, too happy and absorbed in their own world to notice the lingering stares._

Sicheng was shaken from reliving old memories at the sound of someone screaming his name. It was Yukhei, coming towards him.

“I thought you were going to the restroom? It’s been almost twenty min-woah. You look pale, you’re not going to start vomiting again, are you?” His friend stood in front of him, trying to see if his face showed any signs nausea.

“I-I’m fine. I...I was just thinking, but it’s nothing,” he paused, running a hand through his hair, trying to relax. “Are we supposed to meet NCT now?”

Yukhei squinted, doubtful, not sure if he should believe him. “Yeah, that’s actually why I was coming to get you. If you’re not feeling well, I can take you back to the hotel. They’ll understand. We’re not really needed anyway."

“No, no it’s fine. _I’m fine._ You’ve been looking forward to meeting them. Maybe I’ve just had too much to drink.” That was a blatant lie, they both knew it, Sicheng had hardly touched the dongdongju he ordered, but there was no point in arguing. It would do no good.

“Alright, I’ll trust you. Let’s go, they’re waiting in a private room.”

This was fine, Sicheng would introduce himself briefly and stay for half an hour or so, then he’d leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aware Winwin is allergic to pericarp, but I wasn't entirely sure how to tie that into the story. So I made him allergic to soy milk, it was kind of implied, but not really. Bubble tea is usually made with milk.
> 
> Can you guess who the two boys were from the flashback? I think it's obvious who they were.
> 
> If I made any mistakes, I'll correct them later. It's late and I should be asleep, but I'm uploading this before I go to bed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sicheng followed, smiling at his friend as if he truly wanted to be there and not anywhere else. His gaze turned to the floor, thinking back to his earlier thoughts before they had left. He should have trusted his gut and stayed in his room, but it was too late for that now.
> 
> Time almost seemed to have slowed down, making the walk to the private room feel as if it would never end. He looked where the hallway ended, splitting off into two different paths. It almost felt ominous, warning the blonde haired boy that he should turn back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost wasn't sure if this was going to be up today. I'm trying to upload once a week, so I hope I can attempt to come through with that.
> 
> Things will also speed up a bit from here.

Yukhei brought him back to the bar, where they met with Johnny who led them upstairs.

Sicheng followed, smiling at his friend as if he truly wanted to be there and not anywhere else. His gaze turned to the floor, thinking back to his earlier thoughts before they had left. He should have trusted his gut and stayed in his room, but it was too late for that now.

Time almost seemed to have slowed down, making the walk to the private room feel as if it would never end. He looked where the hallway ended, splitting off into two different paths. It almost felt ominous, warning the blonde haired boy that he should turn back.

Johnny and Yukhei were talking, but the blonde haired boy drowned them out, preferring to listen to the booming music that faded as they walked further away from the dance floor and bar.

The rooms on the upper floor were rented by people who preferred privacy or wished to party with a select group of people, but it was pricey and often times it was those with money that were allowed to use them. It was certain that some of the business that went on was not always legal, especially for the price.

The two in front of him were discussing NCT, he caught a few words. One of the members who went by the name TY couldn’t make it, Yukhei let out a whine, most excited to meet him and YT, another member.

It had been a while since he’d seen his Chinese friend so enthusiastic, eyes lighting up, mouth moving miles a minute.

“What are the names of the members? I should at least be somewhat informed of who they are.” Despite not wanting to continue with the meeting, he didn’t want to make a fool of himself. That would only further ruin his night if he appeared like an idiot to their possible future performers.

Yukhei whirled around, slowing down to the same pace he was walking at. “Ah, Sicheng! I forgot you’ve somehow never heard of them, before yesterday that is. I thought I told you to look them up - actually, doesn’t matter.”

Johnny turned to look at the two, rolling his eyes, not slowing down, knowing that their friend could go on and on about the dancers. Jaehyun and he dealt with it on the car ride. While Sicheng was asleep, they had to listen to Yukhei go on and on about NCT, eventually drowning him out with the radio.

The slightly taller boy wrapped a slim arm around his shoulders, bringing him closer. “I’ll just let you know a few things, I don’t have enough time to tell you everything. There are six members in total. They go by nicknames: TY, who is the leader, by the way, YT, Hansol, Ten, Mark, and Haechan. TY, Hansol, Mark, and Haechan are Korean, while YT is from Japan and Ten is Thai-”

The cow eyed boy opened his mouth, covering it with his hand, attempting to prevent any high pitch noises from escaping.

They arrived at the room, the door slightly ajar, allowing them to peek through.

“I see you finally noticed that we’re here. Please, Yukhei, try not to be embarrassing. I’m happy you’re a big fan, but we’re here on business. Remember that.” The tall dark haired male held the door open, motioning for the two to enter.

His Chinese friend paused, shaking his head, taking a few seconds to get himself together. He looked up at their boss, nodding his head in determination.

Sicheng smiled, biting his plump bottom lip, stopping the giggle that threatened to escape. He looked up at Johnny as well, saluting him before following Yukhei inside.

The color of the wooden walls was altered by the shifting lights, colors changing in shades of red. Unique art pieces littered the walls, adding more personality. A small bar stood on the left side, next to the bar was a door leading to another room, presumably a bathroom, on the right there was a pool table, and in front of him was a seating area.

Kyungsoo and Sehun were already there, most likely guided by Jaehyun.

The two lovers were seated at the bar, joined by two of the members, while Jaehyun played 8 ball with the rest.

Sicheng expected Johnny to announce their presence, but the straight haired boy kept walking, joining Jaehyun.

He looked at Yukhei, who was looking at him, unsure where they should start. The brunette tilted his head in the direction of the pool table, suggesting they should head there first.

His friend walked ahead, better at social gatherings than he was. Before they could introduce themselves, Jaehyun did it for them, “Ah, here they are. This is Sicheng and Yukhei, they work for Johnny.”

A male with jet black hair smiled, showing off pearly whites, giving a small wave as a welcome. “Hi, it’s nice to finally meet the both of you. I’m Ten, but from what I heard you already know that.”

The boy looked younger, with dark auburn hair that complimented his darker complexion. His lips also formed a big smile. “I’m Haechan! I hope we get along well. Jaehyun and Johnny have said only good things, I promise!” His voice held a playful tone.

Yukhei looked happy as he continued the conversation with Ten and Haechan, the blonde haired boy, on the other hand, looked around. He counted only four, he was confused. Were there not supposed to be at least five?

“YT is in the restroom, probably talking to TY or our manager, Suho.” Ten looked at him. He felt like he was observing him, trying to figure him out. “You look familiar...I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere?”

Sicheng shook his head, positive he’d never seen the other in his life. “No, I don’t think we’ve met before. Maybe you’ve just seen someone who looks similar?”

The dark haired male nodded his head, muttering a quick _maybe_ , before turning his attention to Johnny.

Jaehyun gave him a look, confusion on his face. He mouthed words at him, suggesting that they’d talk later.

Yukhei was busy talking with Haechan, it was evident they were getting along, already looking like close friends. The blonde haired boy wasn’t sure if that was a good thing, uncertain if they could deal with another Yukhei.

Sicheng excused himself, deciding he’d rather join the others at the bar.

Kyungsoo noticed him walking over, giving him one of his infamous heart-shaped smiles. “Sicheng! Great of you to join us.” Alcohol did a good job of loosening Soo up, allowing him to keep up the facade of someone who was social, the exact opposite of what his friend really was.

He turned towards the two members that stood in front of him. “Hello, I’m Sicheng..” Eyes widened in surprise at the sight of one of them, the Chinese boy quickly willed the shock away, not wanting to appear weird. He smiled, nodding his head in acknowledgment, not entirely processing what they said. The only things he caught was their names.

Mark and Hansol.

 _Hansol_. It was uncanny how similar they looked.

“I’m gonna go to the restroom. I have to make a phone call.” Sicheng walked away, not feeling very comfortable, but he didn’t get far. Just as he was about to walk away, there was a shout.

“YT! It’s about time! Everyone is here.” It was Jaehyun, he gestured for everyone to gather in the seating area.

Sicheng looked up, freezing in his spot when he saw who was now joining them.

_No. No. No. No._

It couldn’t be him, right? Hansol looked more like him the YT did. The facial structure was different, his face was narrow, not rounded like he remembered.

His gaze turned to the floor, mumbling the word fuck, he couldn’t leave now, it looked like he’d have to wait some more before he could make his escape.

“Sicheng! What are you waiting for? Come, sit down!” Yukhei called him over, patting the seat next to him, unaware of the state of distress he was currently in.

He felt a pair of eyes staring, weight heavy and boring holes into his body. It was too late to run away and hide, he was exposed. He told himself to not panic. Just a few minutes more and he’d leave.

The seat next to his Chinese friend was, unfortunately, directly in front of the other. A note he didn’t take while he walked over.

“You were in the bathroom talking to TY so you haven’t met these two yet, but they’re Yukhei and Sicheng.” The dark haired boy smiled at the two, eyes lingering on him, before turning to look at everyone else.

“TY says he’s sorry for not coming. Some family stuff came up. Anyways, I’m YT.” His gaze turned back to Sicheng, but the blonde haired boy avoided looking at him, instead turning to Yukhei.

Luckily Hansol took the males attention, allowing him to relax a bit.

He lowered his voice, whispering to his friend. “Yukhei, I’d like to go back to the hotel. I don’t feel sick or anything, I’m just not having a good time. I don’t want it to be obvious.” He felt bad asking for his help, knowing how excited the brunette was to meet NCT, but if he left on the pretense that he was sick, his friends would worry, most likely canceling the meeting. It was important they convince NCT to perform.

His Chinese friend bit his lip. “I would have liked to stay longer, but you don’t look very comfortable.” He smiled, reassuring him that it was fine. “Hey, I think I’m going to leave. I have a migraine and I may have had too much to drink.”

“Should one of us accom-”

“Yes! Sicheng will.” Yukhei pulled him by the arm, standing him up.

“I’ll make sure we get to the hotel safely, no need to worry.”

They practically ran out of the room, Sicheng dragging the taller boy with him.

“Alright, alright! We can slow down now. We’re out of the club. I’ll call a taxi.” Sicheng stood next him, waiting for the boy to finished requesting a cab. He looked away, not wanting to meet the questioning scrutiny. “I assume it had to do with what Ten said earlier? That he recognized you from somewhere?”

“I’ve genuinely never met Ten before. I don’t know why I would look familiar to him. I’m confused as well.” He paused, breathing in deeply. “It doesn’t really matter. Let’s just forget it for now.”

It didn’t look like Yukhei wanted to drop the conversation so quickly, but he sighed, respecting his decision.

 

* * *

 

The Chinese boy entered his room, shutting the door, heading towards his bedroom, not even bothering to flick the light switch on. He paced back and forth in the darkness, room only illuminated by the moon shining through the balcony doors. The corner of his eye caught sight of a white blinking light, aiding the large window in illuminating the dark. It was his phone.

Sicheng paused in front of the queen sized bed where his phone laid flat in the center.

Who could have called or messaged him? Possibly Johnny or Jaehyun, wondering if they made it back to the hotel safely. Maybe Yukhei wishing him a good night's rest. It wasn’t unlikely that it was Kyungsoo or Sehun, but he doubted it, recalling the way they held each other, enough alcohol in their systems that they forgot who they were, forgetting how the simple act of holding hands turned them into middle schoolers.

There were missed calls and unopened messages, before he could decide which to check first, the phone rang.

“I wasn’t sure if you were busy or just ignoring me. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for the past few hours.” The male's voice was soft and tired, laced with mild irritation.

“I’m sorry, Kun. I went out and I forgot to bring my phone with me.” Sicheng took a few steps towards the balcony, standing in front of the glass doors. The sky was dark and clear, a few stars visible from where he stood. “I don’t know if we can meet tomorrow. I’m not in Ulsan at the moment. I leave tomorrow, but this trip has been exhausting. I’ll probably pass out as soon as I get home.”

“Oh? That’s fine, I was actually going to suggest we meet when Taeil gets back, but where are you? And why are you not in Ulsan?” The sound of a bed creaking was heard through the speaker, not surprising to the blonde haired boy. Kun was always a night owl.

Sicheng’s willowy frame leaned against the railing, staring down at the people who passed by. Some were in a hurry, barreling through people, the need to reach their destination greater than keeping up the appearance of civility. Others took their time, frames relaxed as they took small steps, finding enjoyment in the cool night. “I’m...I’m actually in Seoul. I think I told you about the event that is going to take place at the restaurant.”

“Seoul? You’re here? You should have let me know, we could’ve met up.” The male on the phone let out a sigh, Sicheng uncertain of the reasoning behind it. Was it disappointment? Or was Kun tired? “Yeah, I vaguely remember. You said it was stressing everyone out, especially Johnny. Something about entertainment? Is that why you’re here?”

“I was actually going to let you know, but things came up.” He didn’t give detail, not wanting to relive what a bad day today was. “But yeah, that’s why we’re here..”

“It doesn’t sound like it went well? What happened-”

“No, I think it went well, for the short while I was there it seemed they at least enjoyed Johnny’s company. So I think our entertainment issue is solved. I’m just glad it’s over. The whole thing was tiring and today just hasn’t been the best day for me.” He went back inside and closed the doors, almost forgetting it was fall, reminded by the cool breeze and chills that went up his spine.

“I see…,” Kun paused, before continuing with what he was going to say earlier. “Back to the subject of meeting in Ulsan. Taeil is going home tomorrow. I talked to him yesterday. He said filming ended sooner than anticipated. I thought it would be good for the three of us to meet up. If that’s okay with you.”

“Really? That’s good. I’ve missed him. But yeah, I’m fine with that.”

“Mhm, I should go, you should sleep. Goodnight, Sicheng.”

The blonde haired boy bid him farewell, wishing him a good night’s rest as well.

He checked his notifications, there were messages from his friends, missed calls that were from Kun and Taeil.

Long slim fingers pressed buttons in a hurry, quickly responding, not wanting to worry anyone any further.

He dialed his roommate's number, wanting to discuss today’s events with him. Maybe he could help clear his head. Taeil always gave good advice, reassuring him that things would turn out fine.

“Sicheng, I wasn’t expecting you to call me. It’s late-”

“Yeah..I know. Sorry. It’s just - today hasn’t been a good day,” the Chinese boy breathed deeply, attempting to calm himself. “How are you? You’re coming home tomorrow right? Kun said your flight was scheduled ahead of time because you finished filming sooner than expected.” _I really need you right now._

“I should arrive sometime around noon. But are you alright? You don’t sound well-” The Korean male stopped speaking to him, interrupted by someone else, presumably his manager. “Crap, I don’t have much time to talk. Haneul and I have to meet with the cast, I-”

“It’s fine, we’ll talk tomorrow when you’re well-rested. Have a good meeting!” He hung up, ignoring his friend’s protests, insisting they weren’t finished.

The taste of regret lingered in his mouth, wishing he had told Taeil about what happened, but the shorter male was busy. He looked down at the small cellular device that felt heavy in his hand, he brought it to his lips, contemplating if he should ring Kun again. The desperation to talk to someone, to escape his head, to focus on someone else’s life was burdensome. But it was late, and he was tired.

He placed his phone on the nightstand, deciding it would be best to wait till tomorrow. For now, he’d get ready for bed.

Sicheng stood in front of the bathroom mirror, staring at his face.

He could see why people kept questioning if he was alright. His small doe eyes looked tired, bags beginning to form in hues of blues and reds as if he had been awake for days. The melanin in his skin dissipated, replaced by grey, making him look sickly.

The Chinese boy swallowed the lump in his throat, turning away from the mirror in favor of undressing.

 _The longer you stare at yourself in the mirror, the more you analyze imperfections and obsess over them._ Taeil had told him that when he first moved in, tired of finding Sicheng in the bathroom staring at himself.

Warm water hit his skin, allowing him to relax. Things would hopefully return to normalcy tomorrow.

 

* * *

 

It felt like deja vu, there was knocking on his door, waking him from his slumber. He sat up and stretched his arms, rubbing his face before checking the time. The clock on his nightstand read, 1:23 p.m.

Sicheng shot up, the person at the door had to be his roommate, finally arriving from his flight.

He yanked open the door, revealing Taeil standing on the side who was holding his luggage. “Uh, Hello Sicheng? Are you...are you alright?” The shorter male carried his things inside, managing on his own.

“Yeah..ahaha..I think so?” He shut the door following his friend into the living room. “Were you knocking for a long time? I passed out when I got home and I just woke up.”

“Just a few minutes. I figured you weren’t awake, you are sleeping beauty, after all.” The Korean male looked at him, raising an eyebrow in question. “You look like you have a few things on your mind? Is it about yesterday? Did the meeting go bad?”

The blonde haired boy shook his head, appearing smaller than Taeil in the way he looked at him. “Do you remember the conversation we had about being happy? It was after your audition. I treated you to ice cream.”

His roommate looked away, trying to recall the conversation. “Yeah, I think so. You had been avoiding me before that because you were an idiot, thinking you liked me.”

His cheeks turned pink, embarrassed that he remembered that part. The whole ordeal had been awkward and humiliating.

 

* * *

 

“Taeil? Are….are you happy?”

Sicheng looked up at Taeil, who was leaning against the wall eating ice cream, observing him, as if his roommate was a complicated math problem and his grade depended on him deciphering it. He recently found himself doing it often.

It scared him at first, thinking that he may have developed feelings for the elder he should not have, leading him to lessen their interactions. Which was not easy to do when they lived together. His friend had quickly noticed how he was behaving, questioning him as to why he distanced himself.

Lying was something he didn’t like to resort to, especially if it concerned his roommate. Taeil always had a way of knowing when the Chinese boy lied, there was no point.

His mouth moved quickly, blurting out unsorted thoughts, some words not even comprehensible. Uncertainty and fear written on his face, eyebrows scrunched, small doe eyes that looked everywhere but at Taeil. His cheeks turned red, matching the shade of their curtains.

Taeil stopped him abruptly, putting a hand out, silencing him before proceeding to call him an idiot. He was looking into his feelings too deep, overreacting when there was nothing really there. Confusing platonic admiration and fondness for something romantic.

The shorter male looked down, making eye contact with the Chinese male. “Yeah, of course, I’m happy. I'm living a good life. I have a nice apartment, with a great roommate, I’m following my dream, and I have amazing friends, even if they piss me off sometimes.” He slid down the wall, now sitting next to the other. “Why do you ask? Are you not happy?”

Sicheng looked at the ground, thinking of what to say. “Yeah...I think so? I should be, shouldn’t I?”

“Sicheng, it shouldn't be a question whether or not you're happy. Everyone deserves some form of happiness, including you. You’re deserving of it.” Taeil wrapped an arm around the lean male, pulling him closer and tucking the boys head between his shoulder and neck.

“Yeah, I know. I’ve just been thinking-”

“Stop. Stop thinking so much. That’s what you’re doing wrong. Just live and enjoy the moment. You don’t want a repeat of last week do you?”?

The blonde haired boy’s cheeks flushed, pulling away from his friend, lightly punching his arm in retaliation. “Don’t remind me. That was a moment of weakness! Let’s just forget that ever happened.”

His friend laughed, turning back to the ice cream in his hand. The rest of the day was spent with endless teasing.

 

* * *

 

Sicheng swallowed the nonexistent lump in his throat, taking a seat on the couch. “Of course you remember minor details. But that’s not what I was referring to. I’ve been doing some thinking.”

“I know, but it’s good blackmail material.” Taeil set his things in the corner before joining the Chinese male. “You and thinking don’t go well together. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, stop thinking so much, you overanalyze everything. But what is it that has your mind preoccupied?”

“It’s nothing bad. You know how I took some modeling gigs before? I really enjoyed it and I think I would like to do more. It felt really good to have posters of me plastered around the city.” He eyed his roommate, gauging his reaction, met with a small smile.

“Yeah, I remember. After the last gig you did, some girls recognized you. They really fawned over you. I even think they started a fan club.” His tone was teasing, content that the younger was finding something to do with his time, other than bartending. “Wait, is that the reason for the frequent calling between you and Kun?”

Sicheng laughed, nose crinkled and eyes closed. “I hope not, but yeah. Why? Did you think something was going on?”

“Phew, we all thought you guys were getting back together. I like Kun and I’m glad for everything he’s done, but I don’t think the two of you fit together, not romantically anyways. It’s like your brothers.”

“Oh my god, Taeil! No! That’s in the past.” His mouth widened, surprised that the shorter male would think that. “He was the first one I talked to about modeling and he has offered to be my manager.”

“Ohhh, that makes sense. He’s part of an agency. Are you going to accept?”

“That’s the thing...I’m still not sure if I should go through with it. I’m worried I won’t actually like it, that I’ll be unhappy. What if I’m forced to change something about my face or body? What if I have to do nude photo shoots?” Sicheng was slightly panicking now, playing scenes in his head where they’d force him under the knife, or forcing him to wax everything.

“Stop being an idiot. You should let Kun manage you, he’ll take good care of you. I’m sure he’ll only look for jobs that won’t involve nudity.” Taeil forced the blonde haired boy to look at him, wanting to get his point across. “And they’re not going to change your face. Have you seen it? God, you’re already pretty enough. You wouldn't have been offered those gigs if you weren’t”

The Chinese male nodded, sighing. “Yeah, it doesn’t hurt to try.”

“Exactly. Who knows, maybe it’ll become your new passion.”

“Possibly, but do you need help unpacking? I was going to wait till you were unpacked and rested to tell you, but I was impatient.” He stood up, taking steps towards the luggage.

“No, I’m going to put everything away later. I’m going to sleep first, I’m a bit jetlagged.” Taeil left the living room, in favor of sleeping in his bed versus the couch.

Sicheng sighed, putting his head down. He didn’t get a chance to discuss what happened yesterday, it’d have to wait till some other time. For now, he’d go to his room and sleep some more.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The weekend passed by in a blur, Sicheng quickly forgetting what happened in Seoul, in midst of the chaos that was his job. Too busy working to have any sort of coherent thought.
> 
> It was Monday night, time for their usual get-together where they’d binge watch movies. The theme for tonight was drama, chosen by Kyungsoo. A change that was welcomed after the selection that Johnny made last week. He decided on cheesy action movies from the 80s and 90s that had all of them cringing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely satisfied with how this chapter turned out, especially the end, but this chapter is more of a filler than anything else. I feel like the chapter was not all that interesting. I just didn't want to skip straight to the event, nor did I want to brush aside the meeting with Kun.

The weekend passed by in a blur, Sicheng quickly forgetting what happened in Seoul, in midst of the chaos that was his job. Too busy working to have any sort of coherent thought.

It was Monday night, time for their usual get-together where they’d binge watch movies. The theme for tonight was drama, chosen by Kyungsoo. A change that was welcomed after the selection that Johnny made last week. He decided on cheesy action movies from the 80s and 90s that had all of them cringing.

The blonde haired boy placed his hands on Jaehyun’s shoulders, taking a peek at what he was making. “Mmm, it smells really good in here!” He moved away, clasping slender fingers together.

The brunette laughed, eyes crinkled as he watched Sicheng before he shooed him away. “I’ll let you know when the fried chicken is ready so you can help me set it up in the living room.”

The Chinese male nodded, deciding to bother Taeil instead. The shorter male was mixing some sort of batter, ingredients scattered on the counter. “What are you making”

Taeil looked at him briefly, focused on the mixture. “I’m making bungeoppang. Can you get the pans? There should be two in the lower cabinet, they look like molds”

Sicheng maneuvered around Jaehyun, bending down to open the cabinet and grab the pans that would be needed. “Ohh, they’re molds in the shape of fish. Cute.” He placed the pans on the countertop, watching as his roommate put down the batter, oiling the pans so it wouldn’t stick.

“Don’t even think about it, Sicheng.” The shorter male wasn’t even looking at him, already expecting it after the many times he’s baked. The blonde haired boy would often hang around the kitchen, hoping to sneak a finger in for a quick taste.

His lips sagged, forming a mix between a frown and pout, a bit ashamed that his plan was ruined so soon. “I wasn’t going to do anything, I was just looking at it.”

Taeil turned towards him, eyebrow raised, look on his face that questioned if he was really going to deny the obvious. He sighed, grabbing the whisk he used to mix the ingredients together. “You’re lucky I like you the best out of everyone. I’m beginning to think you only live with me because of the food.”

The Chinese male grabbed the whisk, childlike grin overtaking the forlorn expression he previously had. “Nooo, if that was the case, I’d live with Jaehyun or Kyungsoo. I like you better than them. You take care of me.”

Jaehyun clicked his tongue, moving away from the chicken, allowing it to cook. “Sicheng’s loyalty lies in two things, and two things only, food and a comfortable place to sleep.”

The blonde haired boy was about to give a rebuttal, interrupted by knocking and muffled shouting that sounded like Yukhei, Kyungsoo’s voice could also be heard, telling the other to stop being so loud. He agreed, remembering when they watched a horror movie, the screech that escaped the brunette’s mouth still haunted him. Especially when the neighbors had filed a complaint, insisting someone take a look in their apartment, thinking they’d killed someone. He was almost tempted to leave them out there for a bit longer, but that’d be cruel.

“Why do you take so long to open the door? It was cold out there.” The taller male walked inside, rubbing his hands together in a dramatic gesture.

Kyungsoo walked in after, Sehun’s hands holding onto his shoulders. “Maybe you should’ve dressed warmer. It’s fall and it gets colder at night.” The short male helped the other take his jacket off, hanging it on the coat hanger.

“But then I’d be hot indoors. It’s not fair, look at you, wearing Sehun’s sweater, I bet it’s nice and warm, probably smells like him too.” Yukhei was obviously trying to rile him up, the shorter male rolling his eyes, not taking the bait.

Soon enough they were all in the living room, food and drinks placed on the coffee table.

Kyungsoo was kneeling in front of the tv, holding three different movies in his hand. “I was thinking we should start with Welcome to Dongmakgol, then Train to Busan, and if we’re not tired after watching those, we can watch Lost in Translation.”

They all nodded in agreement, Sicheng not really paying attention, looking at his phone to see if he received a text message. “Is Johnny not coming? He said he was excited to watch Train to Busan, but he’s not responding.”

“No, I think he’s busy discussing details with NCT. Which reminds me, I forgot to ask about Ten. Do you think you know why he seemed to recognize you?” Jaehyun leaned back against the couch, attempting to establish eye contact behind Taeil, who was seated between the two of them.

The blonde haired boy sighed, remembering Ten’s expression as he stared at him, seemingly remembering him from somewhere. “No, I don’t know. He may have seen the pictures from the modeling gig? I’m not entirely sure and I probably won’t get to ask him about it again.” He shut the conversation down, not wanting to think about that night again.

Taeil looked at him, eyes questioning what the other was talking about. He shook his head in response, mouthing that they’d talk about it later after everyone left.

After everyone went home, they were left with the task of having to clean up. His roommate was in the kitchen washing dishes, while he put the leftovers away. “Are you going to tell me what Jaehyun was talking about now?”

Sicheng finished putting the food away, shutting the refrigerator before taking a seat on the island. “We met with NCT and one of the members recognized me, but that was our first time meeting, I never even heard of him before that day. I don’t know why I looked familiar to him.”

The shorter male’s eyes narrowed, knowing that there was more, the other just wasn’t saying. “That is a bit strange, I doubt it was because of the posters. Those pictures were advertised here in Ulsan, so unless he came here, he wouldn’t have seen them. Is there more? I feel like you’re not telling me everything.”

The taller boy perched on top of the marble counter bit his lip, trying to figure out how to vocalize his thoughts, put words together so they flowed nicely and wouldn’t sound like a jumbled mess. “ Do you...do you remember Yuta?” The name felt weird and foreign on his lips, almost taboo. While the blonde haired boy wouldn’t deny that from time to time the other would pop up in his head, wondering what he was up to, if he was doing fine, he didn’t think he’d utter the name again, not after the way things ended.

“Yuta? As in Nakamoto Yuta? The asshole friend who fucked you over left you a sobbing mess and didn’t care, at all might I add. If that’s the one you’re talking about, then yes, I do in fact remember him. Hard not to, after how sad and broken you were when you arrived at my doorstep.” Taeil let out a deep breath, attempting to calm himself before anger got the best of him. “What happened? Did you see him?”

Sicheng’s head faced the ceiling, but his gaze was on the floor, unable to look at the other, almost feeling ashamed at the words said by his friend. “Yeah...him, but he wasn’t the only that severed our friendship. It was him and…, well you know who.” He swallowed, turning to look at the shorter boy. “I..I may have seen him, at least I think it was him, I didn’t get a good look at him. His face was more narrow than I last remember, but I feel like it was him. He’s a part of NCT. No doubt about it, he definitely recognized me, he wouldn’t stop staring at me, not for the brief while we were around each other.”

The brunette walked over, pulling him down from where he sat so he could properly wrap his arms around him, voice soft in his ear as he spoke. “Sicheng, I’m sorry. You sounded defeated and small when you called me, I was worried but I couldn’t do much.” He pulled away slightly, keeping his hands on the other’s shoulders, foreheads pressed together. “I’m afraid I may have played a part in this. I knew about NCT after Yukhei told me they were dancers, I did my research. I tried calling you so I could warn you, but it was too late. Unfortunately, Yuta isn’t by himself, TY stands for Taeyong, Lee Taeyong. Luckily he wasn’t there.”

Small doe eyes widened, mouth slightly agape, surprised, but upset, upset at himself. The news shouldn’t be that surprising, the two had a passion for dancing, they were scouted at the same time, it only made sense that they’d be in the same group. “Yeah, but it doesn’t matter. They’re going to perform at the restaurant, I’ll be there watching them. Yuta probably told Taeyong. What if they corner me somewhere?”

“They won’t I’ll be there and I won’t leave your side, I’ll keep you company. I won’t let them tell you shit, I refuse.” Taeil rubbed his shoulder, offering whatever comfort he could. “Maybe they won’t even noticed, too distracted with the audience fawning over them to remember you. The only possible threat is Johnny, we’ll just make sure he doesn’t attempt to introduce the two you.”

Sicheng nodded lips in a tight line. “You’re right, I’ll be fine. I can do this, it’ll just be the same as any other day. I’ll just serve drinks to people like I always do.” He sat upright, hugging the shorter male once more before smiling. “I’m not gonna let it ruin the rest of this week, not when we’re going to meet Kun.”

“Oh, that’s right. You’re going to discuss management and possibly get signed. It’ll also be nice to catch up with Kun.” The brunette moved away, allowing the other to stand. “You should go to sleep, I’ll finish up here.”

Normally the Chinese male would have insisted on staying and helping, but he felt exhausted, especially after what was to come later this week.

 

* * *

 

Wednesday quickly came, catching the blonde haired boy off guard as he dressed in an oversized hoodie and a pair of worn light wash jeans that had a hole in one of the knees. They were going to meet Kun today at some restaurant he's never heard of. “Alright, I think I have everything.” He patted his pockets, making sure he had his wallet and keys, phone already in his hand.

Taeil joined him in the living room, wearing a crew neck sweater and black jeans. “We should get going then, don’t want to miss the bus.”

The two of them got off at their stop, walking down the crowded sidewalk to the restaurant, only a few blocks away. The diner looked cozy and welcoming. They spotted Kun who waved at them, calling them over to the table he saved.

Sicheng took a seat, sitting in front of Kun, while Taeil sat on his left. “Sorry, were you waiting long? We were running a bit late.” The waitress walked over, handing each of them a menu.

“No, not at all. I actually just got here. You two can order whatever you want, my treat.” The three of them looked through the menu, looking over the list of food, figuring out what they should order. A few minutes passed and the waitress returned, jotting down their orders on a small notepad, letting them know it wouldn’t be long. “So, what’s up? What have you guys been up to.”

Taeil went first, enthusiastic to talk about his latest project. “Well, as the two of you know, I finished filming the movie already. Trailers should be released next month and I’m really excited. I’ve only really performed on stage for musicals and the few films I’ve been in, my roles were small, but this time I play a big role. I hope people like it, it could push my career further along.”

Their friend leaned back, relaxing in his seat. “The storyline sounded really good, I know I’ll enjoy it. Is there going to be a showcase?”

“Yeah, it’ll be shown at the Muhandae Festival.”

“Ooooh, that’s a really big festival, people come from all over to attend the event. That’s exciting.” His gaze turned towards the blonde haired boy, directing the attention to him. “How did the meeting with NCT go? Are they going to help Johnny?”

Sicheng played with a napkin, folding and unfolding it. “Yeah, it went great from what I heard, they’ll be there on Sunday to perform. Word has gotten out and people have been attempting to book appointments on that day. Seems people are really crazy over them.”

Kun sighed, placing his hands on the table. “Yeah, you’re obviously not. I assume it has to do with Taeyong and Yuta?” The blonde haired boy’s stiff frame was enough of an answer. “I wish I could’ve said something, let you know, but I found out the next day. I’m not surprised that you weren’t familiar with them, you’ve been adamant about avoiding anything related to dance.”

“Yeah, I think I handled it pretty well, running away and all. At least I didn’t cause a scene or anything.” He bit the inside of his cheek, thoughts lingering, different scenarios of how the event could go passed through his head. “I don’t know how I’m going to manage during the event. I can’t not show up, I don’t want to disappoint anyone, but I’ll probably leave as soon as I’m able to.”

“You won’t have to go through it on your own, Taeil will be there, and I will too. You’ll have moral support.” The food arrived, the waitress placing the food on the table, wishing them a good meal before she left. “Anyways, enough of that. Let’s eat and then we’ll discuss modeling.”

The meeting felt short, Sicheng already missing Kun as they arrived home. “I can’t believe I’m actually doing this. I’m going to be a model, and Kun is going to be my manager. Can you believe that? I never thought I’d choose to model as my career.”

They had signed papers at the restaurant, agreeing on terms, sealing the blonde haired boy’s future as a model.

“I can actually. It’s really not surprising, you’re pretty, but I don’t have to tell you that. I bet you’re going to be big, models everywhere should watch out.” Taeil’s body moved forward, shoulder shoved playfully by the other. “Kun will get you good gigs, he’ll treat you well.”

“Yeah, I think so too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to include this brief description of the restaurant, it's rough and not very organized, but it'll do: 
> 
> The Seo Restaurant schedule: open everyday except Monday from 9am to 9pm, club portion open on Thursday through Sunday from 10pm to 4am, both restaurant and club have own separate bar and own separate stage for entertainment; building is large; restaurant is upstairs, while club is downstairs, american/korean themed
> 
> Incase anyone is wondering what muhandae means, it's the Korean word for infinity. No actual festival exists, at least I don't think so.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sound of the door opening caught Sicheng’s attention, curious as to who entered the employee’s room. The bathroom door closed behind him noisily, causing the other in the room to say something. “Yuta, is that you? I was wondering where you went.”
> 
> The Chinese male couldn’t respond, frozen in his place when he saw who it was. He contemplated if he should say anything, or if he should just run out and pretend nothing happened, but he wasn’t quick with a decision. The pink haired boy looked up from where he was rummaging through a gym bag, confused as to why Yuta or whoever was in there with him was not saying anything. “Yuta why aren’t-” 
> 
> The shorter male looked as shocked as he did, eyes widened as he walked closer till he was in front of the other, hand hesitantly reaching out, pausing for a brief second waiting to see if Sicheng would move or flinch away. “Winwin…” He muttered the nickname softly, more to himself as if he expected the other to disappear into thin air.

Sicheng walked into the bathroom, intent on applying a body spray, distracted from the task when the corner of his eyes caught sight of something shiny reflecting the artificial light. It was a silver ring with a thick band, a large lapis gemstone embedded in the center. He picked the ring up, remembering when he first saw it.

_“Ah, that stone is called lapis lazuli. It’s often deemed 'The Stone of Truth and Companionship,’ as it’s supposed to help newly formed friendships or strengthen existing relationships. It’s also thought that the gem gives the wearer emotional strength, clearer thoughts, and greater wisdom.” The woman smiled at him, grin laced with fine lines, revealing her age. She took the ring out of the clear case. “Do you like it? We have different varieties.”_

_The Chinese male nodded, softly taking the ring from her hand, observing it. “It’s a pretty shade of blue.”_

The ring had gone from being worn every day, to collecting dust on a bathroom counter, forgotten along with other tainted memories. It felt heavy in his fingers as if weighed down by the passage of time. He turned it side to side, allowing the light to hit it better. The sound of someone calling his name snapped him out of his enthrallment.

“Sicheng, are you in here?” Taeil faintly knocked on the door, pausing to hear a response.

The blonde haired boy put the ring down, hiding it behind hair products and bottles of fragrances. “Yeah, do you need something?”

The shorter male walked in, watching as the other applied some sort of oil throughout his hair, evenly distributing it. “Still working on bringing your hair back to life?” He joined him in front of the mirror, parting his bangs in the center. His nose twitched, sniffing the air, a faint floral scent in the room. “I thought you didn’t care for flowery smells?”

Sicheng looked at him through the mirror, offering a small smile. “No, I usually don’t, but lavender and vanilla make a good combination, and it’s subtle, not overpowering.” He opened the top cabinet, pretending to look for something.

“Mmhm, it suits you. It looks like you’re almost finished. Kun’s already here, he’s waiting outside. I’m gonna go join him, try not to take too much longer.” Taeil squeezed his shoulder before leaving, closing the door behind him.

As soon as the sound of the door closing hit his ears, he closed the cabinet, letting his arms hang at his sides. He reached for the metal band again, slipping it on his left ring finger. It felt nostalgic, yet foreign, but it didn’t feel wrong like he expected it to. He thought he would tear the ring off the moment he put it on, but he didn’t, the blonde haired boy admired it instead, remembering why he liked it so much.

“It’s just a ring, Sicheng, just an object, it’s not that deep. Just a pretty accessory to add character.” He let out a deep sigh, looking at his reflection one more time before leaving.

_The Chinese male jumped, startled by the presence of someone else. “Oh, that stone is lapis lazuli.”_

_He raised an eyebrow, not expecting the other to know what sort of gem it was. The old lady questioned him before he had a chance too. “Yes, that is correct. Are you well informed with gems?”_

_The slightly shorter boy placed a hand on his shoulder, leaning closer to get a better view of the ring. “No, not particularly, but my mom is. She likes gems and crystals, especially the meaning behind each one. I don’t really understand why, to me it’s just an accessory.”_

_“How much is it?”_

_“That exact ring costs 61535 won, are you interested in buying it?”_

_Sicheng nodded, feeling his pockets for his wallet, only to come up empty. He had forgotten it back at the hotel. The memory of throwing it on the night stand gave him the urge to smack himself, wondering how he could’ve been such an idiot to not bring it. Shame crept up his throat, making up an excuse for the sake of not appearing stupid. “Uh, on second thought, I don’t think I can buy it. I was planning on buying gifts for other people as well.”_

Small doe eyes scanned the packed restaurant from his position at the bar, NCT had apparently already arrived, but they were nowhere in sight, at least not from where he stood. “You guys should eat something, we’re going to be here for quite a while.”

Both males shook their heads simultaneously. “Nah, I think we’re good-”

“Oh, Kun, I didn’t know you were coming. I thought you were working on some projects in Seoul?” Johnny stood behind them, adjusting his tie and fixing his hair, making sure he looked proper. His eyes narrowed in on Sicheng, question more so directed at him, curious why the male was here and not elsewhere.

Kun could sense the slight change in the air, knowing the other was just looking out for Sicheng. He opened his mouth, about to respond when the soft humming noise of a phone vibrating had Johnny turning away. “Well, looks like the show is starting now, he’s here.” The taller male left in quick strides.

The three shared a look, watching as Johnny greeted the male and sat him down at a table, handing him a menu. “Who is this guy anyways?”

“His name is Doyoung and he runs a really popular food blog, it’s massive. He travels around and reviews anything food related.” Taeil paused, taking a sip of his drink before continuing. “I guess he’s staying in Ulsan for a while.”

“Does Kyungsoo know he’s here now or-”

“Yeah, I let him know.” Sehun joined them at the bar, taking a seat next to Kun. “He kicked me out because he needs full concentration. Not that I would want to be there right now anyways.”

“What a surprise, you’re not in the studio teaching people to dance. Kyungsoo complains that you’d marry that studio before you even thought of marriage with him.” Sicheng smiled at the tall male, teasing him.

Sehun grinned as he rolled his eyes in amusement. “I don’t think that’s true. He’s happy with what I’m doing.”

“Hmm, I agree. He talked about your hips more. You know what they say about dancers right?” Yukhei appeared, leaning on the bar as he looked at them.

The tall lanky male choked, not expecting to hear that. “Sometimes I think you have no shame, and its instances like this where you confirm my belief.”

They all nodded their head in agreement, leaving Yukhei with his mouth open. “Wow, I’m kind of offended, but I, unfortunately, cannot really defend myself, so fuck you. That’s all I have to say.”

Taeil changed the direction of their conversation, switching it back to Doyoung. “What do you think he ordered? I personally think he ordered some sort of stew, like beef stew.”

“Nah, I think he ordered Kyungsoo’s specialty, kimchi spaghetti. It’s one of the dishes that are really known here. It’s a classic.”

Each of them had a differing opinion of what they thought the blogger would choose, eventually agreeing that'd it be between kimchi spaghetti and beef stew, only to be proven wrong when the server brought out galbi jjim, braised beef short ribs.

The restaurant closed at its usual time, 9 pm, allowing the club to open, people flooding inside and crowding the dance floor.

“Is it always like this?” Kun was looking around, a bit irked at the number of times people bumped into him.

“It’s not always this packed, I mean it’s always packed, but news of NCT performing got out. So it’s even worse than it would normally be, but it’s good for business, I guess I can’t really complain.” Sicheng moved around behind the bar, serving customers their drinks and letting them vent to him, keeping up the appearance of listening to them, but mostly just tuning out whatever they said.

It was some time between half an hour and forty-five minutes when more and more people began leaving the bar. People stopped dancing, gathering around the stage to watch NCT, eager to see their performance. The bar, for once, was practically deserted, save for a few stragglers who sat on the stools. The lights dimmed around the room, leaving the stage illuminated, making the members appear ethereal, out of this world. Taeyong stood in the center, the others standing next to or behind him. The song had hip-hop elements, sharp clean moves matched the beat, perfect synchronization leaving the crowd with mouths agape at the talent before them.

Sicheng too, could not stop staring, unable to look elsewhere, awed by the passion that seeped from their bodies. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to him, he was witness firsthand to Taeyong and Yuta in their earlier days when movement didn’t come as easy, the frustration they felt when they couldn’t get it right. He was with them through the injuries, the sprained and twisted ankles, when it seemed a career in dancing was far away, only to be casted months later with the promise of a brighter future in fame, a future that did not include him, a future that held no room for him, evident by the unity they formed and were a part of.

It was strange. Strange how he was on the outside looking in when years ago he was in the forefront.

He quickly ducked down, pretending to grab something from under the counter, barely missing the pink haired boy’s gaze. The Chinese male peaked, only to be met with Kun’s face inches away from his, eyebrow raised in confusion, “Uhh, what are you doing down there? I’m not sure if you can even be seen from the stage, if they can, it must be hard to pinpoint who you are.” He lifted his hand, fingers moving back in forth in a motion that said ‘come on.’

The blonde haired boy understood what the other was trying to get across. He should enjoy himself and the performance, despite what occurred in the past, this was now, the present, what he was currently living in now. He bit the inside of his cheek, wanting to disagree and hide behind the bar, the fear of being seen preventing him from following through, stopping him at the door of the counter.

Yukhei walked through the crowd, making a path through the sea of people. The tall male bound up to them, humming the tune of the song being played. “Tsk, tsk.” A long slender finger wiggled side to side, in an attempt at scolding him. “What are the two of you doing back here, you should be in the crowd with everyone else. Even Taeil is enjoying himself, you should have seen how he was dancing, he’s normally pretty stiff, but when he gets down, _he gets down_.”

The image of their shorter friend dancing played in their heads, causing the three to look at each other and laugh, heads thrown back in utter amusement. Taeil was never a good dancer, he just wasn’t very graceful, though he would adamantly deny it, insisting their judgment was warped. “I’ll join in a bit, I’m going to go to the kitchen and see if Kyungsoo can make something for me to eat, I haven’t eaten anything since this morning.” Sicheng held the small door open. “Hold down the bar for me?”

A dramatic sigh escaped the lips of Yukhei, walking behind the counter and putting the apron on. “I mean I guess if it gets you out there. Can’t let your good looks go to waste, now can I?” Kun shook his head and rolled his eyes, turning to the blonde haired boy, gaze asking if he was telling the truth.

Sicheng giggled, squeezing Kun’s shoulder and muttering a soft promise, not missing the way Yukhei looked at the interaction, his eyebrows wiggling in a mild suggestion. It was now his turn to roll his eyes, walking away before they could be questioned.

Voices could be heard from the slightly ajar door leading to the dining room, only one sounded familiar, he couldn’t put a name on the other one. “Yuta? Was his name Yuta?” There was a pause, Kyungsoo confirming that it was indeed the male’s name. “That guy was an asshole! He bumped into me when I went to the restroom and he had the audacity to tell me to ‘watch it.’ Who does he think he is!?”

Sicheng had to agree, not that he would voice it aloud. He knocked on the door, met with silence, worried he may have interrupted something. “Ah, Hello? I’m not interrupting anything, am I? I can come back-”

A blue haired male was sitting with Kyungsoo, looking up at him. He waved his hands, standing up. “No, no, no. It’s fine...Sicheng? I think that’s what your name was, at least that’s what Jaehyun told me.” He walked over, holding a hand out to shake. “Ohh, your hand is really skinny - Ah, sorry! I don’t know if that was weird.” The tall lanky male laughed at his own awkwardness, scratching the back of his head. “I’m Doyoung, the ‘food critic,’ at least that’s what they call me, but really I’m just someone who runs a really popular food blog.”

The Chinese male grinned big, pearly whites out on display. “It’s fine, I think my friends would agree. My name is Sicheng and it’s nice to meet you! I hope you give our restaurant a good review, if you don’t, you should watch out for Kyungsoo, you don’t know what he’s capable of.” He leaned a bit closer, purposely doing a poor job of whispering the next part. “Don’t underestimate him just because of his height.”

The brunette scowled, leaning against the countertop. “Kid, you know I can hear everything you’re saying, you’re not exactly discreet”

Doyoung chuckled, eyes crinkled as he looked between the two in great mirth. “I’ll keep that in mind when I type my review tomorrow. As much as I’d like to get to know you better, I’d like to see the hype surrounding NCT, especially that prick I ran into earlier.” He waved to them before walking out the door to see the performance.

Kyungsoo had a hand on his hip, leaning towards the right. “Why did you come in here? Shouldn’t you be out there with everyone else? Or are you hiding from Yukhei, because if you are, I don’t blame you. He’s dangerous, can’t be trusted.”

Sicheng shook his head, joining the shorter male near the table. “No, I’ll go after, but, I was actually hoping you could make me some food, please?” He twiddled his fingers behind his back, lowering his head and looking at him from under his long black lashes in an attempt to look cute.

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” He lifted his forefinger and placed it on his lips, a gesture that suggested it would be a secret. “Don’t tell anyone, they might think I’m getting soft.”

The Chinese male covered his mouth, stifling a giggle. “Sure, it’ll be our secret, but I don’t think this would make people think you’re getting soft. Your relationship with Sehun does a good job of that on its own. It’s good though, he makes you smile a lot.”

Kyungsoo looked flabbergasted, mouth opening and closing like a fish, pink spreading on pale cheeks. “Shush, you’re not here so we can discuss my relationship, but he does make me very happy. Anyway, I’ll cook up something quick for you.”

Sicheng sat down, pulling his phone out to play a game in order to pass the time, aware that the short chef did not like distractions when he was cooking. About ten minutes passed till he was served a grilled cheese sandwich. “It has kimchi and red paste, so it’s not just a plain grilled cheese, I would have made you something fancier, but Sehun wants me to join him.”

As if sensing that he was being talked about, Sehun appeared, walking over to the two. “Kyungsoo, they’re so talented, I should have known when I was in the studio with them, but seeing them on the stage so serious about dancing is amazing.” He didn’t acknowledge the blonde at first, excited about watching NCT. “You’re eating right now?”

“Yeah...I didn’t get a chance to earlier, it’s busier today than it normally is, and that’s saying something since it’s always busy. Must have to do with our guests.” He held the sandwich in his hand, still not taking a bite. “I’ll join the rest of you once I’m finished eating, that or Yukhei will just come and drag me. I’ll lock the door after I leave.”

Kyungsoo muttered a quick thank you before getting dragged by the taller male.

Sicheng smiled when he saw Sehun wrap an arm around the smaller male’s shoulders. The brunette reciprocating the action by holding the hand that hung on his narrow shoulders. “Lovebirds - mmhm, fuck, this is so good!” He couldn’t help but moan at the taste, the way it almost melted when he bit the sandwich, the different flavors mixing together really well.

He held the last piece of sandwich in his hand, about to put it in his mouth when he saw the ring on his finger, forgetting that he was wearing it.

_Sicheng walked away from the saleslady, swallowing the shame, trying to hold together whatever pride he had left._

_If he had turned around or stayed longer, he would’ve seen the look the shorter male gave him as he watched him leave, then would’ve witnessed him buying the ring._

The soft click of the door locking was drowned out by the voices of people passing by. A tall male with light brown hair that was slicked back spoke animatedly. He was with some girl, presumably his girlfriend from the way he easily grabbed her shoulder. “Damn! I’m really glad we came tonight, the performance was insane!”

The blue haired girl giggled, nodding her head in agreement. “I told you they’re amazing! Too bad it’s over. I wish they would have performed longer, it felt too short!”

Sicheng pulled his phone out of his back pocket, checking the time. He didn’t realize how much time had passed by while he was eating, too busy enjoying the food and getting lost in interviews of his favorite actor, Kim Soo Hyun. He peeked through the door, checking to see if Yukhei was still at the bar. The tall brunette was surrounded by some of the members of NCT, along with their friends. He looked happy to discuss their performance. Kun was still there too, looking lost and out of place. Sicheng sent him a message, letting him know he’d be there to rescue him after he used the restroom.

The sound of the door opening caught Sicheng’s attention, curious as to who entered the employee’s room. The bathroom door closed behind him noisily, causing the other in the room to say something. “Yuta, is that you? I was wondering where you went.”

The Chinese male couldn’t respond, frozen in his place when he saw who it was. He contemplated if he should say anything, or if he should just run out and pretend nothing happened, but he wasn’t quick with a decision. The pink haired boy looked up from where he was rummaging through a gym bag, confused as to why Yuta or whoever was in there with him was not saying anything. “Yuta why aren’t-”

The shorter male looked as shocked as he did, eyes widened as he walked closer till he was in front of the other, hand hesitantly reaching out, pausing for a brief second waiting to see if Sicheng would move or flinch away. “Winwin…” He muttered the nickname softly, more to himself as if he expected the other to disappear into thin air.

Sicheng swallowed, it felt weird to hear that alias, especially when none of his current friends knew of it. “Sicheng...It’s Sicheng, I haven’t gone by that name in quite a while.” He nodded his head when the male murmured his name, testing to see if it felt right on his tongue, hating how much he liked hearing his actual name come from his mouth, how an old familiar feeling settled in his stomach.

The hand that was caressing his face stopped, eventually rising to grab a strand of blonde hair, twisting it around his forefinger. “Your hair is blonde, you said you would never do anything to your hair, not liking the way mine felt whenever I’d bleach it to change the color. You said it didn’t feel nice when you’d run your fingers through it.”

Sicheng failed at suppressing memories of when the elder would lay his head on his lap, fingers unconsciously threading through the dry coarse strands, massaging the head after a tiring day in the studio. The first few times no one said anything, until Yuta took position on his thighs, whining when he didn’t massage his scalp, claiming favoritism towards the other. He was never a touchy person, he disliked skinship, but touch always came easily when it involved him.

“I uh...black hair gets tiring after a while. Change is good or so I’ve been told.” Silence overtook them, neither of them sure of what to say. It felt uncomfortable and weird, the quiet never bothered them before, but too much had happened, change happened. He lowered his head, looking at the floor, not wanting to meet the intense stare that bore holes through him.

His eyes raised when the other let out a small cough, trying to get his attention in order to say something. “Sicheng, listen I’m sorry about how things ended. I was an idiot and immature at the time. I really mi-”

“Taeyong! Are you in here!” Yuta walked into the room, saving Sicheng from an ‘I miss you’ that he didn’t think he could deal with hearing, at least not now. He pushed past Taeyong, who looked like he wanted to stop him, but ultimately didn’t. The blonde haired saw Yuta’s dumbfounded expression as he walked passed him, not missing the apology that left his lips, sorry that he interrupted whatever was going on. It was uncertain who the apology was directed at, but the Chinese male didn’t care.

Sicheng stood next to the bar, looking at where his friends were located as he took a deep breath, calming himself so he didn’t just look like he saw a ghost. Kun was the first to see him, rushing over to talk to him. “Hey! What took you so long? I thought you were just going to the restroom.”

Yukhei butted in before he could give a response. “Is that where you were? Maybe he was having another episode, or did you eat something bad?”

He choked on his saliva, trying to ignore Haechan who did a terrible job of stifling his laugh, offering an apology. “No! God, I really hate you sometimes. My dad called me, that’s why I took so long, sorry.” The lie easily slipped from his mouth, feeling a bit bad for lying, but it wasn’t time to discuss what happened.

Their attention shifted at the sound of someone yelling. Hansol had his hands full of a brown haired male who looked a lot like his normally introverted roommate. Sicheng’s mouth opened, confused with what he was witnessing. Taeil had his arm wrapped around Hansol’s neck, swaying his hips back and forth to the rhythm of the song. The taller male had an amused expression on his face. “Is...is that Taeil?”

“Yeah, that would be him. I think they like each other, I’m not entirely sure though. The alcohol could’ve had something to do with it. You should’ve seen him when they were performing, almost distracted Hansol.” Yukhei shook his head as he watched them, bringing his drink to his lips.

Sicheng crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back. “I’m scared to ask, but I’m curious.”

“As you should, it’s good blackmail material, I took video of it if you ever need it. Just don’t tell him, I’d rather do it myself. The look on his face should be priceless. Here, I’ll just show you the video.” The tall male took his phone out, showing them a video of what occurred.

The video showed Taeil dancing, some would almost say erotically, though it was more of an attempt at looking seductive. Kun, feeling secondhand embarrassment, lifted his hand to cover the video, not wanting to see more.

Haechan directed their attention back to the couple, now more calm and relaxed, Taeil still in the tall males arms, head resting on his chest. “It was really awkward to see, especially when we were dancing, but Hansol obviously seemed to like it. He almost lost his footing and ruined one of our dances.”

Yukhei looked up waved his hand in an enthusiastic manner. Sicheng was about to turn around and see who it was when Kun grabbed him by the upper arm and pulled him elsewhere, but he still didn’t miss the names that were shouted by Haechan. “Taeyong! Yuta!”

He was almost tempted to turn back and see if the other was looking at him, but the stare he felt as he let the elder dragged him was enough of an answer. “That was close. I told you I’d be here to support you, it’s supposed to be a good night today, don’t let him ruin it.”

“Yeah, thank you for that. I don’t think I’m ready to face him.” Sicheng purposely left out the meeting they had in the employee’s room, not wanting to see what his reaction would be, afraid to see disappointment.

The rest of the night was spent between avoiding interactions with Taeyong, trying to ignore the intense stares from him, and laughing at drunk customers. Taeil was one of them, only further making a fool of himself around his new found crush.

“Do you need help carrying him up?”

Sicheng was currently struggling to take his roommate out of the car. “No, taking him out of the car is always the hardest part, I’ll be fine from here.” He quickly waved goodbye to Kun before switching between carrying and dragging an almost passed out Taeil, cursing him in his head. He left him on the couch, walking to the kitchen to grab him a glass of water.

“Here, this should - well, nevermind, looks like you already passed out.” The blonde haired boy stretched, letting out a drawn-out yawn. Working late into the morning hours was exhausting, especially after having to deal with his drunk roommate. His eyes felt tired and droopy, he knew if he showered he’d most likely fall asleep in the shower. He decided changing into something more comfortable would suffice for now.

He was brushing his teeth when the ring caught his attention. Throughout the night he twisted it unconsciously, not realizing he was doing it until Kun pointed it out. He made up a lie, claiming it was a gift from his parents, he just never wore it. The lie felt wrong when spoken out loud, feeling bad for lying to his friend a third time. He was the only one aware of the history behind the silver band.

_“Hey! Winwin, wait up! I think you forgot something.” The black haired male was running after him, chest softly moving up and down at the small physical activity._

_His eyebrow rose, wondering what he could've possibly forgotten since there was nothing in his pockets, to begin with. “I forgot something?” Confusion was evident in his tone._

_The shorter male smiled, pulling something behind his back, causing Winwin’s eyes to widen at the sight. It was the ring he wanted to buy. “You looked like you wanted it, I don’t really plan on buying anything else today, so I bought it. Here, it’s a gift.”_

_He was almost tempted to grab it and slip it on his finger, but he couldn’t, it didn’t feel right. He shook his head. “No, no, Taeyong, I can’t take it, It wasn’t a cheap ring. It wouldn’t feel right, regardless of how much I want it.”_

Taeyong _shoved the box forward, insisting that he take it. “Nonsense, I bought it for you. Money isn’t an issue if that’s what you’re worried about. You were eying the ring for quite some time.” He let out a sigh when he saw that Sicheng wasn’t budging, still refusing to take the gift. He took the ring out of the box and grabbed the taller boy’s hand, slipping the ring on his slim finger himself. “See, it fits you perfectly, it was meant for you.”_

_“I don’t know-”_

_“The ring is supposed to help friendships or strengthen existing relationships, right? Yuta took you out for ice cream when you first became friends, didn’t he? Just think of it as that. Or whenever you feel nervous just wear it, I know you’re having difficulty meeting other people, think of this as protection whenever you feel sad.” It was obvious_ Taeyong _wasn’t going to budge, refusing to allow the other to leave the ring in his possession._

_The Chinese male chose to not comment on the fact that ice cream and a ring were two completely different things, finally accepting the ring._

The sound of groaning filled the room, it looked like Taeil was just now waking. “It’s so bright in here, why did you turn the lights on?”

Sicheng mentally face-palmed, not surprised by the response. “The sunlight is coming through the blinds, it’s not the sun’s fault you drank a lot last night. I think that’s the least of your problems.” He handed his roommate a glass of water and pills for a headache he was most likely feeling at the moment.

Taeil let out a whine, rubbing his temples. “No, I don’t know if I want to know what I did last night, I’m scared to ask.”

“It’s not that bad, you might have landed yourself a date, maybe it wasn’t done the most traditional way, but that’s not the point-”

“What! What do you mean!? With who? Who was it?” He attempted to get off the couch, stopping when his head began to pulse faster, the pain of a headache now hitting him fully.

“Just wait till he calls you. The two of you exchanged numbers, well, tried to. He got your number, but you were far too gone to get his. Or, if you’re too impatient to wait and find out who it is, just call Yukhei, he has something to show you anyways.” Sicheng went back to his room, purposely ignoring his roommate’s shouts.

“Sicheng! You little shit, you’re lucky I’m handicap at the moment!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Out of every chapter I have uploaded, I'm the most satisfied with how this one turned out. 
> 
> I had the intention of updating this story once a week at the minimum but I was feeling a bit burned out and I didn't want to rush this chapter, so I took my time with it, though I think I typed a big chunk of it today if I'm honest. 
> 
> And as usual, I finished it at night, I think I just tend to feel more inspired during this time of day, that or it's just an excuse for the procrastination I often fall in.
> 
> Either way, I hope you enjoy this chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pink haired boy leaned against the doorframe of their studio, watching the dancer practice a few moves. “So, how were they? I haven’t had the chance to ask you. I asked Ten, he said they were cool, but you’re more critical of people.”
> 
> Yuta stopped dancing, grabbing a water bottle and bringing to his lips for a refreshing drink. “Yeah...yeah, they were nice. I think it would have been more interesting if you were there. One person, in particular, stood out to me, you would have been surprised.”
> 
> Taeyong raised an eyebrow, taking note of how his tone hinted at something foreshowing. Any questions he had in response, died in his mouth at the sight of the rest of the members entering the room. The brunette seemed to already move on from their conversation, chatting with Hansol over some random topic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was kind of a last minute idea, I already had most of chapter 6 finished, but I thought I'd write Taeyong's POV. I was originally going to upload it after chapter 6, but I felt it would fit in better before, so now his POV is chapter 6 and chapter 6 has become chapter 7. I could upload them back to back, but I'm just going to wait till later this week to upload chapter 7.
> 
> So, as I've said, this chapter is in the POV of Taeyong. This is a short update, I think it's the smallest for that matter.

Taeyong observed Yuta as they stood backstage waiting to perform. The brunette had been acting weird ever since they met Johnny in Seoul.

_The pink haired boy leaned against the doorframe of their studio, watching the dancer practice a few moves. “So, how were they? I haven’t had the chance to ask you. I asked Ten, he said they were cool, but you’re more critical of people.”_

_Yuta stopped dancing, grabbing a water bottle, bringing it to his lips for a refreshing drink. “Yeah...yeah, they were nice. I think it would have been more interesting if you were there. One person, in particular, stood out to me, you would have been surprised.”_

Taeyong _raised an eyebrow, taking note of how his tone hinted at something foreshowing. Any questions he had in response, died in his mouth at the sight of the rest of the members entering the room. The brunette seemed to already move on from their conversation, chatting with Hansol over some random topic._

Meetings and dance practices took over their time, causing him to forget about Yuta’s strange behavior, but as the date neared, it became more evident. Their conversations were short and brief, often ending with the brunette telling him to just wait, he’ll be shocked when they meet Johnny and his crew, even if what they were conversing had nothing to do with that subject. The other members seemed just as confused as he was.

“Yuta,” he waited for the other to turn and give him his attention, “Are you alright? You keep looking around. Are you trying to find someone?”

“Yeah, sure, something like that.” Yuta offered him a small smile as the lights dimmed, giving them their cue to get into position.

Every time they performed, Taeyong could feel electricity flow through his bones, this performance was no different. He looked around the decently sized club, making eye contact with different people, one boy, in particular, stood out to him. As soon as their eyes met, the blonde haired boy ducked down behind the bar, almost causing him to smile and break character at how cute he reacted. He took it as the boy being embarrassed for being caught staring at him, not knowing the actual reason for the action.

After a few songs, his gaze returned to the bar, watching as the boy left and handed the apron over to some tall brunette. The pink haired boy felt slight disappointment, but he brushed it aside.

The crowd filled the room with loud cheering and clapping as they thanked them for having them as a guest. He looked around, noticing how every member had already dispersed. Taeyong could see Yuta off in the distance, most likely walking to the employee's room so he could. The Korean male decided to follow, feeling gross in the sweaty clothes he was currently wearing.

The sound of a sink running could be heard as he entered the room, leaving him to think Yuta must’ve been in there washing his hands. The bathroom door opened and closed, indicating his friend was now in the room with him. “Yuta, is that you? I was wondering where you went.”

It was silent for a minute, no one responding to his question. The pink haired boy looked up from where he was rummaging through a gym bag, confused as to why Yuta or whoever was in there with him was not saying anything. “Yuta why aren’t-” He stopped mid sentence when he saw who it was. It was the blonde haired boy from the bar, but that’s not what left him slack jawed.

His eyes were wide as he walked closer till he was in front of the other, hand hesitantly reaching out, pausing for a brief second waiting to see if Sicheng would move or flinch away. “Winwin…” He muttered the nickname softly, more to himself as if he expected the other to disappear into thin air.

“Sicheng...It’s Sicheng, I haven’t gone by that name for quite some time.”

Taeyong felt his heart stop, _of course_ , he didn’t go by Winwin anymore, it was a nickname given by Yuta and him, why wouldn’t he go by his actual name. He murmured the name, it felt foreign on his tongue, his mind still stuck on old memories, despite this, it still rolled off his tongue smoothly. That left a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

His hand stopped caressing Sicheng’s face, rising to grab a strand of blonde hair, twisting it around his forefinger. “Your hair is blonde, you said you would never do anything to your hair, not liking the way mine felt whenever I’d bleach it to change the color. You said it didn’t feel nice when you’d run your fingers through it.”

Taeyong remembered how he would rest his head on the other’s lap after a long day of practice, enjoying the way long nimble fingers caressed his scalp, allowing him to relax in a way a nice warm bath would. He remembered how Yuta was a bit jealous, stealing his designated spot on slender thighs and demanding the Chinese male massage his head too. The action became something that was shared between the three, something Taeyong found he did not appreciate that, not that he ever voice it aloud.

“I uh...black hair gets tiring after a while. Change is good or so I’ve been told.” Silence overtook them, neither of them sure of what to say. It felt uncomfortable and weird, the quiet never bothered them before, but too much had happened, change happened. He watched as Sicheng lowered his head, looking at the floor, not wanting to meet his gaze.

Nothing was really that different about him, there was no dramatic change. His voice was still deep, Korean words still seemed to not roll off his tongue as nicely as Chinese words did. The only thing that was different was the atmosphere around them, not allowing them to breathe comfortably.

Taeyong let out a small cough, trying to get the attention of the taller male. “Sicheng, listen I’m sorry about how things ended. I was an idiot and immature at the time. I really mi-”

“Taeyong! Are you in here!” Yuta walked into the room, interrupting him. Sicheng pushed past him. The pink haired male wanted to stop him but ultimately didn’t. Now wasn’t a good time to let his emotions take control.

Both males looked at each other, unsure of who would say something first. “I...uh...I’m sorry. I didn’t know you already found him, I wasn’t even sure if he was actually here. I couldn’t see him earlier…Are you mad at me?”

Taeyong shook his head, running a hand through his dry strands. “No, can’t say that I am. I’m more surprised, I...I really wasn’t expecting that. I thought you were acting weird because maybe you found someone you liked, but Win - Sicheng? I had no idea…”

Yuta looked sympathetic, he walked over and rubbed his shoulder, trying to comfort him. “Imagine my surprise when I saw him a week ago, at first I felt so happy, thinking I could amend things, ya know? But then I looked him properly and he looked...he just looked so small and scared. He left quickly, I was so tempted to leave and follow, try to apologize and explain things, but he already looked terrible, I didn’t want to make things worse.” Yuta walked to the couch and sat down, leaning on his elbows as he continued to speak. “I wasn’t sure if I should tell you, I myself was still processing it.”

“I don’t blame you…,” Taeyong bit his lip in contemplation, “We should change and get out there. They’ll wonder why we’re not with everyone else.”

The rest of the night he watched as Sicheng was dragged around by some brunette whose name he later learned was Kun. According to Yukhei, they had a brief relationship, but he didn’t know much about it. He brushed the jealousy he felt aside, telling himself it was just need and want, that he just missed his friend.

The next morning he passed by the living room of the hotel suite he shared with the rest of the members. Taeyong rolled his eyes as he watched Yuta and Ten laugh at Hansol who was in the process of trying to score a date with the guy he couldn’t stop fawning over since last night. The two cheered their friend on when the date was set.

He walked out of the kitchen, met with the stares of Yuta, Ten, and Hansol. “Uhh, what? Why are you guys looking at me like that?”

“Taeyong, I need a favor, please.”

The pink haired boy took a sip of his tea, already tempted to say no even before hearing the request.

They stood outside of the apartment, waiting for someone to open the door. “I kind of regret agreeing to this. I’m not good with new people. What if he’s some crazy fan?”

“I know, I’m sorry, but I couldn’t ask anyone else, especially not Yuta, you know how he is. He’d probably tell Taeil some embarrassing story.”

“I might just do that to get back at you.”

Hansol knocked again, looking a bit worried. “You wouldn’t do that. You think he lied to me and this is the apartment of some random person? I'm starting to get a bit nervous.”

Taeyong was going to respond when the door began to open, revealing Hansol’s date. Taeil invited them inside, not really paying attention to him, too busy focused on Hansol. He felt awkward as he stood there, looking around the home to take away from the feeling. He saw a head of blonde hair sticking out from the hallway, not thinking much of it before doing a double take, realizing who it was standing there.

Sicheng looked like a deer caught in headlights, small doe eyes wide open, unable to look elsewhere as they stared each other down, both not expecting to be each other's date. Taeyong was taken out of his reverie when Taeil turned to him, looking stiff and shocked. It seemed the brunette knew of him, he must have if he elicited that reaction. The slightly shorter male directed them to the kitchen before walking off. He tried to steal one more glance at Sicheng only to see that the male was no longer there.

Now he wasn’t sure if he regretted agreeing to this, glad he’d be able to see the blonde haired boy again, but it was evident neither of them was prepared for this. It looked like it was going to be a long date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I'm sure there are mistakes, but I'll fix those later. 
> 
> I'm off to celebrate my birthday with my family.~


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “No, that’s not going to work. He already saw me and I’m not exactly dressed like someone who’s sickly.”
> 
> The brunette looked around as if trying to think of something. “What if...what if I knock you out?” 
> 
> Sicheng’s mouth opened, lifting his hand, wondering why the other thought that was a good idea, or even a possibility. “I’m sorry - what? No, I’m - you’re not going to knock me out. Why would you even think that’s a good idea!?”
> 
> “I’ve done it before-”
> 
> “You’ve done it before!? What the hell Taeil? Why - just why? I think we’ve been hanging around Yukhei far too much because that sounds like something he’d suggest.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say, it was difficult finding things about Hansol. I was trying to gauge what his personality was like for inspiration, but it wasn't very easy. It must be difficult stanning him. I decided he's going to be a dork because from what I could find, he seemed like one, he also seemed kind of awkward and sweet.
> 
> Also, the none of the puns are mine, I found them on tumblr. I would link them, but whenever I click on the posts, they, unfortunately, don't show up. So I don't know.

Sicheng walked out of his room after showering, running a towel through his hair trying to soak up as much water as he could. The loud ringing of a generic ringtone filled the living room. He stood in the doorway watching his roommate stare at his phone as it rang on the coffee table. “Are you going to answer that?”

A laugh was bitten back at the sight of the brunette turning around, hair disheveled, sticking out in different directions, with slight bags under his eyes. His clothing was in no better condition, the white button up had several stains, some large, some small. To put it short, Taeil looked like a mess, granted, hangovers tend to have that effect.

“I picked it up the first time it rang and some guy I don’t know answered. I hung up because he tried sweet talking me and I heard laughing in the background!”

Sicheng pursed his lips together and nodded his head, already having an idea of who it was calling the shorter male. “It’s probably your lover from the club. What did he say?”

Taeil scowled, cheeks turning pink. “Hi, I’m writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and I was wondering if I could interview you?”

There was a pause, before the Chinese male burst out laughing, his laugh high, but slightly raspy, throwing his hands together in great mirth. “Pfftt! No! He actually said that?” He covered his mouth, attempting to calm himself enough so he could give a proper response. “You have to admit, that was pretty smooth.”

The brunette looked baffled, surprised that the other actually enjoyed that. “You…you enjoyed that!? - Actually, I’m not surprised, of course, you would like that sort of thing.”

They both looked at the phone as it stopped ringing abruptly, Hansol evidently hanging up.

A few moments passed before, the phone came to life again, vibrating on the table, light illuminating the screen as it rang. Sicheng nudged his head in the direction of the small device, hinting at Taeil to answer the phone. “You should pick it up, he seemed really sweet.”

His roommate furiously shook his head, refusing to answer, mouth opening wide in panic when he saw the blonde haired boy walk towards the device. They raced towards the coffee table, stumbling to the floor as they fought for phone, Sicheng coming out victorious when he answered, putting it on speaker so he could listen to the conversation.

Hansol’s voice resonated through the small cellular device, voice gruff and thick from sleep that still hadn’t quite left him. “Taeil - listen. I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to say and your reactions were so cute yesterday. I’m not actually working on a paper, I don’t even go to college - unless that pick-up line actually worked, then I do have to interview you.”

Sicheng bit his knuckle, suppressing the onslaught of giggles that he felt incoming. Taeil softly smacked him on the shoulder, the Chinese male was lucky he adored him, he would have been hit harder if it had been someone else.

“Uh, Taeil? Hello…?”

He mouthed words at the brunette, telling him to respond. He pursed his lips, muffling the frustrated noise that almost escaped when Taeil refused to respond. Sicheng poked him in the ribs, causing him to let out a squawk in protest.

“Are-”

“Uh, yeah! I’m still kind of hungover… What is it you wanted?” Sicheng patted his roommate on the back, proud that he managed to keep his voice steady, masking the nervousness that was actually felt.

A sigh of relief could be heard, the male on the other line clearly satisfied with the turnaround. “I don’t know if you remember, but you promised me a home cooked meal. I’d like to hold you to that if that’s fine with you. We don’t have to do anything, you can just delete my number and forget this ever happened. I won’t get mad.”

Sicheng furiously nodded his head, encouraging the other to go through with it, allowing his lips to form the word yes over and over until his roommate answered, voice not so steady this time.

“No, I...I uh, that sounds fine…”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to make it seem like I’m forcing you to do something you don’t want-”

Taeil shook his head as if the male on the phone could see him. “You’re not imposing.”

The next few minutes were spent with the two setting up the date, the brunette telling him he’d send the address through a text just for added insurance. “I can’t believe I just agreed to cook him a meal. I don’t even know him, I was drunk for the entirety of the time I was with him yesterday.”

“I think you’ll like him. Yukhei said he’s a dork, but sweet. What do you plan on making?”

Taeil bit his lip, contemplating. “I’m not sure, nothing too fancy, I don’t want him to think I’m trying too hard, but he’s famous. Do you think he’s into expensive things? Should I make it casual so I don’t seem like a snob.”

Sicheng’s mouth slightly opened, sticking his hand out as if to say, ‘are you serious’. “Wow, for someone who didn’t seem interested you sure are worried about what sort of impression you want him to have.” His words went over the male’s head, the other saying things that weren’t quite comprehensible. “You know, you could just call Kyungsoo and ask for his advice? He is a chef, he’s skilled and all that.”

The shorter male’s mouth formed a tight circle in like-mindedness. “Ohh, you’re right. I can just ask him, he’s a viable option.”

“Mhmm, you’re date is at five, right? I’ll leave before he gets here so the two of you can enjoy-”

“No! You’re not leaving me here by myself, I might need help so I don’t look like an idiot,” he paused, pointing an accusatory finger at the younger, “This is happening because of you and you’re going to help me.”

“No, no, what am I supposed to do? Be your wingman for the night and aid you whenever you don’t know what to say or do? That’d be weird, I have no reason-”

“We can make it a double date and you can bring Kun unless you have someone else you can invite?”

Sicheng rubbed his temples, not liking how the other male said it in a tone that made it appear as if it was final. “Why are you making it seem as if I said yes, I’m not doing it. One, I’m not bringing Kun, two, I don’t have anyone else I could possibly invite, three, I’m not exactly looking for something romantic at the moment.”

Taeil looked at him, eyes pleading. “Maybe Hansol has someone he can bring. Please, Sicheng, I don’t know if I could do this on my own, having you there will make me feel a lot better.”

The Chinese male bit his lip, sighing and throwing his head back in defeat. “Fine,” he huffed, putting his hands up, not very fond of how things turned out, “I’ll do it. I guess it’s only fair since I’m kind of the reason you’re in this situation.”

The shorter male smiled, happy he was able to get his roommate to help him out. “Thank you.”

“But, you owe me, you said you were going to stay with me yesterday, but you left me, what happened to bros before hoes, as they say-”

Taeil put a hand up, stopping the blonde haired from saying anything else. “I’m really sorry about that, but please, never say that again.”

Sicheng spoke through clenched teeth, nodding his head in agreement. “Yeahhh, that can be done. I don’t think I’ll be saying that again anytime soon, it felt weird saying it - still doesn’t change the fact that you weren’t there.”

“I-”

If there was a time that he could tell Taeil of the event that occurred yesterday, right now was as good as any, but he couldn’t do it. Today was going to be a good day for the Korean male, he wouldn’t ruin it with drama if it could even be considered that. The secret would be withheld for now until there was a better time to bring it up.

“It’s fine Taeil, I’m not mad. I was just joking, nothing even happened, Kun took care of me.”

Taeil let out a sigh of relief, glad Sicheng wasn’t mad at him. “That’s good, I’m glad nothing happened. Did you even see Taeyong or Yuta?”

“I briefly made eye contact with him, but I don’t know if he recognized me. Kun and I were off by ourselves for the most part, so there was no way he could’ve gotten a good look at my face.”

Sicheng was about to leave the living room in favor of going back to his room before he turned to tease the shorter male one more time. “Word of advice Taeil, maybe you should take a shower. You don’t smell very pleasant at the moment, not sure if Hansol would it.” He left before Taeil could defend himself, not missing the sound of protest that left his mouth.

The faint sound of knocking could be heard from where Sicheng lay in bed, having second thoughts about agreeing to help Taeil on his date. He didn’t even know who he was paired with, his roommate forgetting to ask Hansol. A part of him didn’t want to know, thinking it made things easier, but the other part wondered if it was Yuta or Taeyong, or some other member of NCT. He tried to ignore that side as much as he could, not wanting to know if they were still an item.

He got up from the bed, walking towards the living room when the knocking started over. Taeil must have heard the knocking that time because it stopped. Sicheng paused at the hallway that lead to the larger room, allowing him to peek around the wall and see who it was. Hansol could be seen from where he stood, towering over Taeil as he handed him something. Sicheng leaned to the side more, trying to get a better view of who stood behind.

The action was soon regretted when it was none other than Taeyong who was standing there, awkwardly looking around the apartment, briefly looking in his direction before doing a double take, his attention fully focused on him.

Sicheng looked like a deer caught in headlights, small doe eyes wide open, unable to look elsewhere as they stared each other down, both not expecting to be each other's date. The pink haired boy's gaze was removed when Taeil finally noticed who it was Hansol chose to bring. The Chinese male could tell he was shocked from his stiff posture and stuttering sentences that he could barely make out. Taeyong just smiled in return and said a few words, most likely greeting him, possibly complimenting their flat.

He moved away, leaning against the wall so he couldn’t be seen, holding his breath when he heard footsteps approaching. A sigh of relief left his lips at the sight of his roommate. “Listen, I don’t know if you saw who came with Hansol, but it was Taeyong,” Taeil’s voice was hushed, not wanting their guests to hear what they were discussing, “I can tell them you’re sick.”

“No, that’s not going to work. He already saw me and I’m not exactly dressed like someone who’s sickly.”

The brunette looked around as if trying to think of something. “What if...what if I knock you out?”

Sicheng’s mouth opened, lifting his hand, wondering why the other thought that was a good idea, or even a possibility. “I’m sorry - what? No, I’m - you’re not going to knock me out. Why would you even think that’s a good idea!?”

“I’ve done it before-”

“You’ve done it before!? What the hell Taeil? Why - just why? I think we’ve been hanging around Yukhei far too much because that sounds like something he’d suggest.”

“It was a few years ago during an acting workshop. They were teaching us how to make hitting someone look realistic, we were using props and I may have accidentally hit someone,” Taeil shifted to his side, hands moving to add to the image,”And you know, he may have passed out - but details, those are just minor details.”

Sicheng lifted both his hands, slowly lowering them to his sides, trying to find the right response to the story. “I uhh...we can just discuss this at a later time, but you’re still not hitting me.” He bit his lip, if he faked sickness, Taeyong would know it was a blatant lie and the date would most likely be ruined, but putting himself through it wasn’t much better. “I told you I was going to help you, that I was going to be there for your date, and I’m going to be there. I did a bit of acting in high school, you know this.”

Taeil looked unsure of this, not entirely on board with the plan, but the blonde haired boy looked determined. “Yeah, but you haven’t done any acting since then. Is this even going to work?”

“Well, we’re about to see, aren’t we?”

Hansol and Taeyong were already seated at the table across from each other, waiting for them. The brunette stood and pulled the chair out for Taeil, a small shy smile present on his face. Guess chivalry wasn’t quite dead yet. Taeyong was about to do the same, stopping when Sicheng raised a hand in protest.

The Chinese male could see the disappointment on his face, but he didn’t say anything, not wanting to make the date seem like more than it was. The two of them were simply doing a favor for their friends. Nothing more, nothing less.

Dinner was just now beginning, but it was evident it was going to be a long night, at least for the two of them. Hansol was already engrossed in a conversation with Taeil, looking at him like a puppy would its owner. It was sickeningly sweet. Sicheng wondered why they thought their date wouldn’t have gone well, they made quite the pair already. For someone who was worried, Taeil seemed to be handling everything well.

He tried to ignore the stare Taeyong was giving him, focusing his attention on the food in front of him. The pink haired boy grew tired of it quickly, instead using his voice to grab his attention. “Hey, I didn’t know you were roommates with Taeil. How long have you been living here for.”

Sicheng could give a quick brief response, making it evident that he didn’t want to talk to him, but he had to make this work for the sake of his roommate. “I’ve been here for about five years. I lived in Seoul for a short while, but I went back to China to finish my studies.”

Taeyong looked a bit puzzled, confused why the other was making it seem like they’ve never met before. He considered playing along but disregarded it. “Oh? That’s interesting. Do you still do traditional Chinese dancing? Or did you stop?” He took note of how the blonde haired boy’s grip on the chopsticks tightened, not expecting his question.

Hansol raised an eyebrow, now interested in their conversation. Taeil looked nervous as he took a drink of his beverage. Sicheng cursed him in his head, caught off guard. “Ahaha...n-no,” his tone was uneven, “I’ve never danced before, at least not professionally. But I’ve been told I’m graceful, so maybe that’s why you thought I’ve done traditional Chinese dancing. I was studying in Seoul for acting.”

Taeyong just gave a disappointed ‘o,’ unsure of what else to say. The rest of their conversations were short, revolving around the event and his performance. Taeil’s film was brought up, Hansol already looking like a proud boyfriend when he was invited to come, along with Taeyong and the rest of NCT, much to Sicheng’s dismay.

The date was over and it was time for the two to leave, the Chinese male stood up and bid them goodbye, saying he would walk them out with Taeil, but he had to go to the restroom. Hansol nodded his head, understanding as helped Taeil put the dirty dishes in the sink, not noticing that his friend had left as well.

Taeyong followed him to the bathroom, not letting him out of his sight. It was obvious he needed to tell him something, but Sicheng didn’t want to hear anything. The date had already caused him enough anxiety to last a month. “What is it - what do you want?”

“Is that how it’s going to be? You’re just going to pretend we’ve never met, that you didn’t have a life in Seoul, with me, with Yuta?” The pink haired boy looked pained, his face etched with sorrow.

Sicheng shrugged, body sagging in defeat and a tiredness sleep couldn’t fix. “Why does it matter? It’s in the past and I’d like to move on. If I decide to forget that part of my life never happened, then it never happened - simple as that. You did that before, who’s to say I don’t have the same right?”

Taeyong moved back a few steps, putting his hands in his pocket as he looked at the wall behind the Chinese male. “I was an idiot - and I was blinded by what I thought was the right thing. We can fix things, make it right, this is a good sign as any…”

“No...no,” Sicheng shook his head, not allowing himself to fall for words, not again, "You know that’s not true. Things are different, the two of you are not the only people in my life anymore.” He paused, exhaling and standing straight, in a way to seem stronger than he was actually feeling at the moment. “I’ve built a life just as you’ve built one. Those lives, don’t involve either of us, there’s no room.”

The pink haired boy’s face hardened, making it hard to see what he was feeling. “Is that what you think? You have no way of knowing that, you can’t just push people out like that.”

“No, you should go. I think Hansol is waiting for you, I’m sure Yuta is waiting as well. The two of you always did make a good pair, there was no need for the aigoo team.”

Taeyong didn’t get a chance to reply, Taeil appearing behind him. “Hansol is by the door, I’ll show the two of you out.”

Sicheng mentally thanked the brunette, leaning against the wall and staring blankly at a random corner.

Taeil came back, face grave. “You said you didn’t see him, but it didn’t seem that way, especially not after what I just heard-”

“Yeah, about that Taeil, I lied. I did see Taeyong.” Sicheng chewed on his bottom lip, fiddling with his thumbs, expression doleful, nervousness seeping through his skin. “While you were off having fun in the crowd, I was hungry and asked Kyungsoo to cook me something. He did and after I finished eating, I went to the restroom in the employee’s room,” the Chinese male looked off to the side, not able to look Taeil in the eyes, he was ashamed. “Taeyong went in there after I finished and we talked for a brief moment. It wasn’t very long - I mean it felt like a long time. And it’s strange because moments with him used feel fleeting like there wasn’t enough time! I always wanted more time with him - but...it - it didn’t feel right.”

His vision began to turn blurry, small doe eyes obscured by tears that started forming. Frustration, all he could feel was frustration, mad that he was soon going to start crying, bawling his eyes until his lithe body could take no more and it collapsed in itself. Droplets cascaded down his cheekbones, wetting his face, he hated how weak he felt, ugly loud sobbing raked through him, his body shaking from emotions he couldn’t hold in. He covered his mouth with his hand, a poor attempted to hide the noises he was making.

Taeil swallowed the lumps that formed in his throat, words kept running through his head, but they wouldn’t come out, possibly because they weren’t the right ones. Maybe there weren’t any right words to say, he couldn’t understand what the other was feeling, never having felt strong romantic feelings for anyone before. But he did know that he did not appreciate seeing his favorite person in such a sad state. It was undeserving and unbefitting for someone with such a beautiful face and soul.

Sometimes actions spoke louder than words, this situation was no different. Taeil was not someone who was normally affectionate, but Sicheng was someone who was an exception to many rules. He pulled the taller male closer, wrapping his arms around the thin waist, ignoring how small he felt in his arms, despite their height difference. “I don’t know what to tell you Sicheng, I really don’t, I wish I did. I wish I had the right words that could fix this and leave you smiling and happy, not sad and defeated.” One hand squeezed his hip tenderly, the other rubbing his back in a soothing manner.

Sicheng buried his head in Taeil’s shoulder, muffling his loud ugly crying, he felt bad, knowing he was wetting the fabric of the nice silk shirt, possibly getting snot on it as well. “I hate it - I hate it! I don’t why it’s affecting me this much, I shouldn’t be crying like this, but I feel too much - why am I feeling so much!?” The blonde haired boy had always been a feeler, ever since he was a kid. The smallest things could leave him in a whirlwind of emotions.

The hand that was caressing his hip bone moved up, stroking his neck before holding his head. The position was sort of awkward because of their height difference, but they managed. Taeil shrugged his shoulders, letting out a soft sigh. “It's just who you are, there’s nothing wrong with that. Some people feel nothing, some feel too much, some are lucky to feel just enough. It doesn’t make you weak Sicheng, it’s an admirable trait that not many appreciate because they wouldn’t be able to handle it. Emotions are a bitch.”

Taeil smiled when he felt the vibrations of a small giggle on his shoulder, happy his last comment aroused a positive reaction. “It’s true though, I think I would’ve gone crazy long ago if I felt as strongly as you do. Be proud that you’re able to feel so much, it’s a strength.” He softly pulled Sicheng’s head up from where it was burrowed in his collarbone, rubbing under his eyes in a comforting motion. “Now, stop wasting your tears because pretty soon you’re going to die of dehydration from all that wasted water.”

Sicheng’s eyes were pink, slightly swollen and puffy, he looked adorable despite his plight. “Taeil, that was a terrible joke, but I’ll let it slide.” He placed his hands on top of the brunette’s, closing his eyes and letting out a low sigh. “I’ll be okay, I’ll just sleep it off. There’s no need to worry.” He smiled, doe eyes crinkled for extra assurance that he’d be fine tomorrow.

“I know you’ll be okay, but I’m still going to worry regardless. Sleeping sounds like a good plan, I’ll join you after I finish cleaning up. I’m sure you’d rather have an actual person to cuddle with rather than that weird arm pillow Jaehyun gave you for your birthday last year.”

Sicheng pulled away, mouth open, offended at the accusation. “I don’t use it! It’s stored away in my closet, I’m not that desperate for affection.”

Taeil let out a small laugh. “I’ve walked into your room before and seen you hugging your pillow.”

“Yeah, my pillow! Not the arm one I was given.”

The shorter male walked away, mockingly nodding his head. “Mhmm, alright, whatever you say. I won’t tell anyone that you do that.”

“I don’t understand, you were being so nice to me just a few minutes ago. I thought I was your favorite person, I don’t appreciate being treated like this.” Sicheng walked towards his room, pausing when he reached the hallway. “But please, after you finish join me. Humans are a lot warmer than pillows. I’ll let you be the big spoon, even if you’re smaller than me.”

Taeil resisted the urge to coo at how cute his best friend was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't really have a plan in mind for this chapter, I kind of just went with the flow, and the flow involved Taeil and Hansol's date. While I was typing it, the way it was going to turn out was different. I was originally going to have Winwin go to Jaehyun's or Yukhei's. There are several things that I wanted to write, but I didn't. Like during the phone call at the beginning, Winwin was going to pick up the phone and answer it, then he'd hear voices in the background that belonged to either Yuta or Taeyong who recognized his voice and were confused. I don't know, I just felt like noting this.
> 
> I don't know if people even actually read these notes, I might just be typing this for myself, but whatever.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just an update on the current situation of this story.

I don't know how much people are enjoying this story, but I have decided to take, hopefully, a short break from this fic. I originally was unsure if I should make this sort of chapter, or update really, but I decided it was only fair for those who liked the updates and were still reading or anticipating the next chapter.

I am most definitely not finished with this story, it's not canceled and I unquestionably plan on continuing it. But, after the last update, I've sort of been in a rut with this story. Like I'll suddenly be hit with an idea and I think it sounds good at the moment, but then I think no, it doesn't really fit the story, etc. So in a sense, I've been hit with what every writer loves, writer's block. I'm hoping it passes quickly and I can get through it soon because I do really want to properly continue this story. I have a document that coincides with this story and it's titled 'Characters/Ideas.' The purpose of that document is to keep concepts I have for this story in one place, unfortunately, the ones I have listed there are planned for later on.

I currently have a thing? I'm pretty much-taking suggestions, prompts, and requests in the hopes I can get some inspiration for this story. 

So for those who genuinely care for this fic, I am not abandoning it. I'm just taking a break. :)


	9. Chapter 9

So, it's been a while since I last updated this fic and I apologize for that. I felt burned out and at the time I was not in the best mental state. I don't know if I ever mentioned anything, but I was having issues with the roommates I was living with and I wasn't doing very well in my psych class. I just wasn't very happy during that period. I'm not going to go into detail or anything of that sort, but things have gotten better. I moved into a different apartment and I have new roommates. While I don't absolutely love them, they are nothing like my previous ones. That's college though, isn't it?

After the last update I made where I stated I was taking a break, I was taking requests and writing separate stories. That went well for a good minute, but I began to feel uninspired and I didn't want to write. Like I said earlier, I felt burned out. I saw it coming too because it's not the first time it has happened. I used to create art and upload it on DeviantArt back when it had more popularity. I made several accounts on that site because I would always burn myself out and take a break. Then when I felt the urge to draw and upload art again, I would make a new account. It's a habit of mine. I get really inspired to do something and I go ham. The problem is that I burn myself out.

Now that I've explained what happened and why I was gone for longer than I intended, I should explain where this fic is going. As I stated before, I do not plan on abandoning this story. Though, if I'm honest, I did think about deleting what I have so far and completely starting over. Instead, I decided that I'm going to through what I have written and either add things or remove some stuff, depending on what I feel would work best. I might even add more chapters in between the ones that already exist. When I first started this fic I was inspired by Lorde's album, Melodrama, which I still am. I think Melodrama is an amazing album. The plot of this fic is probably going to change a bit, but I doubt it will be too noticeable since I haven't delved into it yet. I do not plan on adding a new chapter after 7 until I've gone through the story and edited. I'm going to put "under review" in the title and I'll remove it once I have finished looking it over.

Also, one final note. I want to ask if anyone would be interested in or would like to be a beta reader for me? I don't if anyone cares, but if you do, please hit me up either in comments or on my Tumblr, allnonchalant.

Thank you for reading this and I apologize if it's rather long!


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